Spicy Midlife Women: Real Talk, Raw Truth, and Bold Moves for Women Over 40

26. Attracting What You Desire Without the Chase

• Jules and Michele: Midlife Mentors • Episode 26

Share episode

Send us a text

In this week’s episode, Jules and Michele dive deep into the difference between chasing and attracting and how this subtle mindset shift can completely transform your midlife experience.

From career goals to friendships to love, they unpack how so many of us have been conditioned to hustle harder, do more, and prove our worth through endless effort. But what if the real magic happens when you slow down, get clear on what you want, and allow it to come to you?

You’ll hear them get real about:
💫 Why overthinking and over-hustling can actually block your blessings
💫 The 3 Cs of attraction—Clarity, Confidence, and Claiming what’s yours
💫 How to reframe your mindset around worthiness and alignment
💫 Practical ways to start manifesting (without the woo overload)
💫 Applying this mindset to dating, career, and friendships in midlife

If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing all the “right things” but still not getting what you want, this episode is your reminder: You don’t have to chase. You get to choose.

🎧 Tune in, laugh with us, and start attracting the life that’s meant for you.

Are you ready to take your "spiciness" to the next level?!

Connect with Julee & Michele on Instagram @spicy_midlife_women and send a DM about what resonated most during this episode so they can encourage you with steps forward in your own life.

SPEAKER_01:

Hey, hey, everybody. Jules and Michelle here, two Spicy Midlife Women, sharing our real life stories and having no BS conversations. Isn't that right, Jules?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my friend, that is exactly what we're doing. And we're here to explore live boldly and unapologetically and attract what is truly meant to be without chasing a damn thing. Oh, you're gonna throw that in. Oh yeah. Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_01:

Let's get into it then.

SPEAKER_00:

So opening, what are you thinking, Michelle?

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I'm I'm kind of excited about this uh discussion because it has to do with I'll sound kind of old school here, but the law of attraction, right?

SPEAKER_00:

So when you say that, I think we need to preface that we're not talking about love necessarily or date. Right. We're talking about what you attract.

SPEAKER_01:

And attracting what you want or what you desire without the chase, right?

SPEAKER_00:

I think that's super important, that part of it. It does definitely go way deeper, I think, on this topic. When you hear the chase, especially women who are single, you know, it's like you think about this when you're thinking about dating. And so that's why I wanted to preface all of that. Yeah. That's definitely another podcast topic that we can talk about. But really, what this is all about is you as a midlife woman and what you can gain from really evaluating whether you are chasing after something or whether you are letting something come to you. Just the mindset and how you look at it differently. Yeah. So what do you think the myths of the chase are?

SPEAKER_01:

The myths of the chase. Yeah. I think part of that is the fact that we have been, I think, conditioned in a way to believe that that is what gets us what we want is if we're putting in that effort, that for whatever reason equals whether or not we're worthy, right? If we're doing all the things, okay, yes, you're worthy if you're doing all the things. And that's how you're gonna, you know, get the things in a relationship with that career, whatever it might be, all the things. And I'm not saying that that doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, it matters, but I think a lot of the time our mindset is around the harder that we work, then the more driven we are. I know that I can be that way. And I think about like from a career standpoint, I worked my ass off. I think I actually became more of a workaholic. And partially, I mean, if I can just be transparent about it now, is that very subconscious feeling of failure. Like you're worried about failing. You're worried about representing, frankly. It's like being out in this world. And a lot of it for me was a man's world, totally. Oh, yeah. And being able to sadly still is, yeah, and have validity to what you're saying and being a contributing member of like a management team or leadership team or something like that, you know?

SPEAKER_01:

Don't you think though, that sometimes when it comes to chasing, that it can push things away. It can do just the opposite of what we're trying to accomplish. Yeah, right? Oh well, would you think that chasing also correlates to overthinking? Absolutely. Absolutely. But that's where the attraction will happen when you're in alignment with something. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00:

It really does.

SPEAKER_01:

Not the pursuit of that chase, but being in alignment with whatever it is that you're trying to accomplish, that's when things will come to you. I think.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, it's like you said, a mindset, but it's like I feel like the energy of chasing says, I don't have it. Whereas the energy of attracting or kind of thinking about an opposite perspective, it's more about okay, I'm ready for this to happen. Right. You know, so it's really a very subtle shift when you think about looking at things from one perspective or another.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm just thinking of one example, like in dating, bringing it to that when somebody is over-texting, right? It that definitely, I think when that is happening, that person is definitely overthinking when the overtexting is happening.

SPEAKER_00:

When things aren't coming really naturally.

SPEAKER_01:

Or when in the career thing, when we're burning ourselves out because we're over hustling, we're doing too much, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, or adding a side hustle. Yeah. With I don't know, part of that's just love being busy, love seeing things working, you know. And I think there's a lot of women out there who are entrepreneurs who you gotta have some failures to have successes. I truly believe not everything is going to be all sunshine and roses by any means. Because in order to have the real wins, you've got to, you know, when I say kiss a few frogs along the way, you've got to make mistakes. What do you think it means to attract?

SPEAKER_01:

What do you like if you had to explain what that actually means? What kinds of things do you think go with that?

SPEAKER_00:

I attracting attraction is drawing things to you, like having, I think a lot of it is very subtle. Like I said before, it's a mindset and it's like how you're thinking about things. If you're thinking about things like I don't have them, I have no resources, I have this or that. It's like more of a panic.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I think you have to know what you want, right? I think that needs to be super clear.

SPEAKER_00:

So when you say that, are you saying things tangible things like I know that I want a house? I know that I want to have a six-figure job, or is it like, I know I want to be happy? And so you're going about doing things in a way that brings you happiness and peace?

SPEAKER_01:

I just think whatever it is, whatever the thing is, you have to have clarity first and knowing what it is you want and why. So is that a specific job? Is that a house? Is it a relationship in a romantic manner? Is that what whatever uh the relationship with your child that hasn't been that great? Whatever it is, you have to know what it is you want and you have to know why. I think that is part of what the energy of attraction is, first and foremost. You have to know.

SPEAKER_00:

So, how do you get yourself in the mindset of attracting what you want? I think that's really probably the most important question we can ask ourselves because a lot of the time, I mean, and I can speak for myself and a lot of my people in my life and women in particular, it's like you want to go after things a lot of the time you don't know how to get there.

SPEAKER_01:

You have to have the confidence that you know worth having it. You this so this starts with knowing why, what and why. And then the second part that is having the confidence to know that you're worthy of having it.

SPEAKER_00:

But do you think whatever it is? The whole, I mean, I think of that like ADHD mindset, you know, where you've got things going in your head, one thing over another. A lot of that's menopause, it's brain fog, it could be a lot of different things, and I can speak from my own self, and maybe you do it a little bit differently, but it's like sometimes I'm so overwhelmed with the ideas that I have in my head that I feel like I'm like spinning in circles.

SPEAKER_01:

You have to we've used this term before in a past episode, but the pregnant pause, you know. You gotta pause, you gotta slow down, you gotta take time for yourself to close your eyes and breathe. And you hear it all the time now, manifesting, meditating. That's part of that process. The meditating part, this is where we're doing those things. And meditating doesn't mean you're sitting cross-legged wherever in the forest with your palms up to your it is for some people, but it doesn't have to, some people don't have time for that shit, right?

SPEAKER_00:

It can't be it's at the gym.

SPEAKER_01:

And if you're a Christian person, it's kind of like praying. You don't always have time to, you know, get down on your knees and say the prayers that way. Sometimes it's when we're stuck in traffic and it's a work, right? Same thing with the meditation part of it. So meditating for that clarity to know, I just really want to kind of drive this home because then you have to know that you're worth it. You have to have the confidence. Okay, so once you have decided what it is, then the reasons why, like you know that you're worth it and having that confidence, right? And then what do you think is next, Julie?

SPEAKER_00:

I would say giving yourself the opportunity, like you said, with that pause to slow down. And I think people in midlife have a lot of difficulty with that because it's not the way we've learned how to do things. Yeah. We have the whole workaholic mentality. We have a lot of those things that you're seeing generations, now our kids and stuff, they don't look at it the same way. They look at quality of their life versus quantity of their money in a lot of cases, or they're finding jobs that are giving them the financial freedom and the flexibility to be able to go and travel or do the things that they want to do, have someone working at home so they can raise their kids differently. It's very different. But then you get people in mindsets where they're very traditional on how they focus on things and they're chasing, they're chasing the dream, they're chasing the promotion, they're chasing the goal, if you will, and maybe going about it in a way where they're spraying. You know, it's almost like they're trying so many different things they don't know what's gonna be.

SPEAKER_01:

That's why you have to claim it. That's what I was going after, right? And it's okay, we'll call it the three C's, right? The clarity of knowing what it is, the confidence of knowing that you're worthy to have it. And you gotta claim that shit, man. You gotta claim it.

SPEAKER_00:

And sometimes claiming is saying it out loud. It is saying it out loud. I mean, not just to yourself, right? But saying it out loud, and so that kind of goes, we'll add an A on.

SPEAKER_01:

And you kind of have to, if you can think of it as a clinching your fist, right? Let it go a little bit, let it so that things can freely flow. And that's then where I think things will start to come to you with whatever that thing is that I was talking about, the clarity.

SPEAKER_00:

I've noticed it with like when people want, like there's a great example. They want to get pregnant and have a baby really bad, right? And they are so in their head about it that their stress level affects their body. Their body is not responding in the same way as it would if they weren't stressed about it. And then the moment they say, fuck it, I'm just gonna give it to, you know, let it happen, and boom, they're pregnant. Yeah, you know, it happened to me. Yeah. And I was just like, I was so stressed about it because I'm like, everything needs to go exactly as I planned it. Of course, I'm gonna get pregnant and it's gonna be a very easy pregnancy, and then I'm gonna have a very easy baby, and my life is gonna be very easy. It doesn't work that way. You say a lot shit? I just assumed it. That's what I'm saying. And then yeah, going into my first pregnancy, almost a year when I got pregnant finally, went through the pregnancy, and then I have this baby, and I'm like, oh, everything. I was very entitled by what I thought I was deserving.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And then it's all gone.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, and that's where letdowns come in, and then you start you're being hyper focused on what that is all about, and it shifts your whole being.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And I think too, you have to change the way that you talk about things and whatever it is. Like I am a true believer in manifestation and the things that we're talking about, being in alignment and the law of attraction. And I truly think that when you shift even how you say things, it makes a difference. You ever notice like the people that are like, oh god, everything's it's just terrible. Everything it's life is shitty. The you know, I kicked my dog, I got in a karma accident, and everything is just like continually that way. That is a law of attraction, maybe karma, whatever you want to call it, what goes around comes around. If you're putting all that negative energy out into your surrounding self, that's what you are gonna 100% attract.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, and people aren't gonna be around you because they don't want to deal with that too. So that's that's something to think about, you know.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and I noticed that in my own life. I'm not like positive poly all the time and sunshine and roses. You are a lot though.

SPEAKER_00:

We but there are always been that way.

SPEAKER_01:

There are those times though where things you know might be a little difficult or whatever it is, the things, and so I notice when I start shifting and talking in a negative manner, everything else follows.

SPEAKER_00:

It feels like doom and glow.

SPEAKER_01:

How I'm feeling, how life is going, how work feels, how family feels, how my relationship feels, how our friendship feels like all the feels yeah, feel differently. And so just imagine if you I was actually doing this last year for a little bit. I was trying to take five minutes from when I first woke up in the morning and not grabbing my phone and starting to scroll or anything else. I laid there in bed with my eyes staying shut. And instead of doing all the habitual things, I tried to do intentional things on how my day was gonna be and the things that I was gonna accomplish in that day. And actually, now that I'm talking about, I need to start that again because it really was helpful and it made a difference in how my days went.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I know we're on the West Coast and West Coast, baby. Yeah, yes, and you know, it's kind of notorious here for being kind of gray and dark and cold and rainy and whatever. Okay, see, I was just very negative. That's the reality of our world right now. You know, we're in the fall, and so I have really had to in the last couple of years shift my mindset about it because I there's parts of it I love. I love seeing the fall trees turning colors. I love the fireplace, I love being cozy, making comfort food. There's a lot I love football, there's a lot of things, but god damn it, I hate the weather. And so what do I do? I'm finding ways to look have things to look forward to that I can get those little glimpses of that sunshine and warmth. Yeah, kind of I have something to look forward to. Yeah, so it kind of changes my whole way of looking at it. Yeah. And I think I'm probably a lot nicer to be around because I have some things in front of me.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, I just have to say something because you brought up football, which yes, it's the season of football and Julie loves football. And I don't know if y'all have checked us out on TikTok yet. Michelle, I'm going to the game. But yeah, so we have a Seahawks game that we get to go to. Julie made me be her backup dancer for this TikTok thing that we did. So, and that was how I was going to be able to go to the game with her. So if you haven't seen it, go check us out on TikTok. We have a lot of fun over there. It's a lot of shenanigans and nonsense. I was really trying to do the running man, which I suck at and I kind of sucked at it there, but it was better than I've ever done it before. I really wanted to go that game.

SPEAKER_00:

I was just like, you know, out of the way I was dancing when I was singing in the microphone that uh yeah, the thing was. But yeah. Anyways, I guess a lot of it is just kind of looking at things from a different perspective. And I think the sky is not falling, the world is not ending. There's always going to be something around the corner that is going to give you that positive boost.

SPEAKER_01:

I think too giving yourself permission to show up as your full self authentic and not like it's an audition for anything, but just being who you are.

SPEAKER_00:

That goes back to confidence too. That does, yeah. That goes back to it. Some people kind of are like, gosh, if I showed up as my true, true self, would these people even want to be around me?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So they're faking it. And there's gonna be times when you feel like you gotta fake it to fake it till you make it. Yeah, until you're able to kind of get out of what funk you're in.

SPEAKER_01:

I was gonna say that's what part of that being alignment is and putting the stuff out there. If you gotta fake it, I mean, and we do that. I do that. I fake the friendliness, I fake the happiness sometimes because I'm trying to allow it to come to me because I need it, I'm recognizing that.

SPEAKER_00:

So that's not always then when you come face to face with the negativity, you know, with someone, it's like you're like, oh hell no. Yeah, that's it just does not work for me because I've got enough of that on my own. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, so let's talk about applying some of these things to different areas real briefly. So love, showing up as your full self, yeah. And like you said, not an audition, but also just being super authentic. Yeah. And that is when you're meeting people or with your spouse or with your significant other. Yep. It's like they love you for who you are. And if they don't, then that's a whole nother issue we need to talk about. But it's okay to be yourself. If you can't be yourself with your person, yeah, you are so fucked.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's definitely truth. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But dating is there'll be other episodes on dating. I'm on a dating hiatus right now because I'm just like, I just can't do it. I just can't right now.

SPEAKER_01:

And that's when somebody's just gonna show up into her life, is when she's let all the shit go.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, just like I just have no patience for any of that stuff right now. Yeah, career, letting networking and stuff feel like connection, not convincing yourself to do it, but just get out there and talk to people, right? People, learn different things that you may not know if you hadn't spoken with them. I'm like, I went to a networking event a couple of months ago, and I didn't know anybody at the event except the person who was hosting it. And the networking had to do with different small businesses and people coming in to these small businesses and getting funding, right? So there were a lot of entrepreneurs and people with a lot of money that were in the audience getting these pitches. It was just really a kind of a fun thing to go to, nothing that really, really affects my life personally. Yeah. But it was great to see how people are doing things. So I guess my point is expanding your horizons. In this particular case, it wasn't about real estate, it wasn't about podcasting, it wasn't about that kind of stuff, but I learned a lot. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Sometimes just going to an event that maybe you had no intention of going to, just doing it with the mindset of getting something out of it that you wouldn't have otherwise. So, to your point, that networking, you never know who you can come across that could be helpful with your career or anything like that. So, networking, people networking is huge. And taking advantage of an event like that just to get better at it. I did that once with you. Julie had a real estate like some kind of event. And I remember going to it thinking, oh, I am not good at talking to people.

SPEAKER_00:

She's so good at talking to people.

SPEAKER_01:

And I just, yeah, but that's why I went thinking I'm gonna talk to people. I'm gonna talk to people because at that time, this was probably like eight years ago, I wasn't that great at it. But yeah, just taking that, you know, challenge within yourself to tackle something like that.

SPEAKER_00:

You could learn something new. Yeah, those are all the things. It's like we're in this place in our life where you can always learn something new. And if you think you're not gonna learn anything new, that's when people kind of start to exist. Yeah. You're not gonna exist and just watch Jeopardy all day. That's not gonna be me in my old age ever. So I think friendships in regard to applying it. I feel like at our age, you think about people having friendships that start at a very early age, right? That are their friendships that are will take them through their life. Yeah. And they will be those people that are with them in all seasons. You have someone like that, I have someone like that. And then there's people you meet along the way. And those people along the way may fit different categories of need. You may be feeling a need for them, you may be helping them get more confidence built, or you may be helping them with their health, or whatever. You may have kids that are the same age, and so you're whatever the current vibe is, right?

SPEAKER_01:

That's who your tribe will be.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, that is. And there are we've talked about before different levels of tribes, you know, there's the ride or dies, and then there's ones that are seasons, and both are very, very important and play a role in who you are as a person and who you're becoming as a person. Yeah. So just be open to that, but understand that you have boundaries and friendships have boundaries, just like anything else. So if you're not comfortable with the direction someone's going, it's okay to pivot and go the other direction. It's not a big deal.

SPEAKER_01:

Again, going back to you don't have to chase that, right? You get to choose, you get to choose and things, people okay. So this reminds me of something too that I love, and it is nobody ever comes into your life by accident. Right, that's very true. Ever. I'm a true believer in that, ever. And that's where you have to pay close attention to the people that are coming and going. And because you never know the reason why you maybe meet somebody at a networking event. You maybe because you said hi to like a vendor that was coming through a work or whatever. Pay attention to people because they do not come into your life by accident ever. Firm believer in that.

SPEAKER_00:

So and you may be the same person for them and they don't necessarily realize it. Right. You have to be super mindful to understand those things happening. And there's a gal that is a great example that I met probably almost a year ago now, that she was showing a property that I had downtown and called, never talked to her, never met her before, totally connected on the phone, totally she's hilariously funny, younger than us, and she has like this mindset that is just so fun to listen to her because the way she, you know who I'm talking about. Yeah. Yeah, the way she comes about things, very different. And I really enjoy her. I enjoy what she brings to the table. I enjoy the way she thinks, but I'm also finding myself coaching her on different things that have nothing to do with real estate, too. Yeah. Because she's trying to figure out things at this place in her life that we've kind of already gone.

SPEAKER_01:

Beneficial for both.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So I love that. The friendship that is obviously work-driven or started out work-wise, but yeah, she's played a great role in my life.

SPEAKER_01:

And I've hopefully played a great role in sometimes those things, too, which I love. Hindsight, of course, is 2020. And sometimes you don't know the reason why somebody has come into your life in that moment. And then you can look back, and I can do that now. I can look back and look at certain people that were in my life at a certain time, and I'm like, okay, I get it now. You don't at the time, it just is what it is at the time. But whatever it is you grew through or purposefully like gleaned from that is I love being at the age I'm at, 60 years old, and because you got a lot of hindsight now, right? And I love looking at a lot of it though, because it has so much meaning that has brought me to where I am now.

SPEAKER_00:

You know what's so interesting? I think about when I've thought I was trying to keep things like going through divorce is a great example, which a lot of you may or may not have gone through, or maybe will in the future. It's not something that is, it's not for the faint of heart. It can be really rough, right? Yeah. But I remember thinking, I've got to keep you have so many plates spinning in the air. And I think back on it now, which was what, 10 years ago or something. I'm like, I was such a frickin' hot mess. And on the outside, I was trying so hard not to be a hot mess, but I was such a hot mess. And I wondered, it's like you think about all the people that you had come in contact with at the time. I think I mentioned this one time where I had this guy that was an insurance guy, and I was trying to set up insurance for these homes that I owned and everything. And he sends me this email and says, I think Benny have a lot going on like now, you know. I didn't even know this guy. I was mortified. He was very, but I'm like, oh my God, I am completely exhibiting hot messness to some strange man who I've never met who's very kind enough to tell me it's okay, we just need to calm down. I love that story. Yeah, he's still around, you know. Yeah. Of course, was I embarrassed? At first, I was like mortified, like I said. But then after a while, I was like, no, I mean, he was a very kind person who lived my life very briefly at that time, yeah. Helped me to just kind of like take a pot.

SPEAKER_01:

That's the beauty, though, of I guess, or magic, if you want to call it, the midlife magic, right? Is being able to realize the wisdom and the boundaries, the confidence, and not performing anymore, not doing those auditions like we used to, and faking it so much. And it really is kind of magic. It really is being able to just be so authentic in where you're at in life, how you look at things, being able to have conversations with people, just like you were just talking about with that person that came into your life about a year ago. And I actually had a conversation yesterday with somebody the same, and I was able to share relationship information on where I am at and what I have realized through divorce and in the relationship that I'm in now, and and things that others won't necessarily think about. This person was younger, right? But I kind of like that it's magic, midlife magic. That's kind of a beautiful thing. And whether it's 30s, 40s, I know we talk about 40 and beyond being midlife. We had an episode about that. So whatever it is, midlife, it's a mindset, it's not a number. So whatever that is for you, it's when you finally realize that we don't have to chase, we get to choose. And I don't know, it's just I actually am really appreciating this episode right now because there are a lot of really great reminders for me at this point in our life. And I'm actually gonna, I think we should challenge our listeners to do some things because I know I'm going something like they're chasing not somebody, something if they're chasing after somebody or something, either way, it's like how could they do that differently and stop running after it, but be able to achieve what they want to achieve.

SPEAKER_00:

And we haven't talked about dating at all, and we will, like I said, get into that in future episodes, but this does directly to a lot of that things. Well, you're just like a lot of women have been in these really long marriages, yeah, going back into a dating scene, and they haven't been in there since they're in their 20s. It's a different world out there, people. Trust me when I tell you. But anyway, we're here to say that there are lots of ways to be able to look at this topic, and the mindset that you have drives your direction.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, so I would say I would challenge our listeners to figure out the clarity of something that they are wanting to align with, and that desire to have it come to fruition in their life, right? And what are the things that you're you're going to do to be able to help it flow, whether it's like I'm personally, I'm gonna start doing the five minutes before I get out of bed, closing my eyes and meditating. Some of it for you people out there, it's gonna be prayer. That's the time you're gonna pray for those things or meditate for those things, whatever it is you do. So that's what I'm gonna be doing. And I would just ask that our listeners try something just small like that. You are worth having five minutes of time at the start of your day. Don't pick up that phone and scroll unless you're TikTok to see us. No, I'm just kidding. Take the five minutes to do something like that, yeah, for yourself and see what a difference it can make in your day and clarify what it is you are trying to have come into your life or that law of attraction, like we've been talking about. Because there's it really is in all facets of life to Julie's point, whether it's dating, whether it's friendships, whether it's family relationships, whether it's your career, love, whatever it is. I love this episode. I'm so glad we talked about this today, Jules.

SPEAKER_00:

It's like we choose what we want. Yeah. We choose what we want to attract. Yep. Instead of running after it.

SPEAKER_01:

So that in mind, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

We're running after a TikTok.

SPEAKER_01:

We are doing that. Go check us out on the social. We are back to video for these episodes. So you can find it over on YouTube, all the socials. We're loving TikTok. We have a community of spicy life movement, and we are building that community. More to come on that. So we're just super excited. And until next week, when we check in with y'all, we want you all to stay spicy. Stay spicy.

SPEAKER_00:

Have a good one, you guys. Bye next week. Bye.