A Blonde A Brunette and a Mic
Look forward to time with these two women who have life experience and something to say! Join us each week as we dive into topics that may be raw, unfiltered, funny and even a little controversial. Whatever we discuss will give you our perspective, get you thinking and will keep you coming back for more!
A Blonde A Brunette and a Mic
Episode 108 Long-Distance Relationships, Trust, and the Sock Debate
Michele shares her insights on making a long-distance relationship thrive despite the challenges it presents. Through discussion of communication, shared experiences, and overcoming misconceptions, she portrays a refreshing and encouraging perspective on love across miles.
• Michele recounts her nearly nine-year-long long-distance relationship
• Daily communication strategies enhance connection
• Learning about each other continuously is crucial to their bond
• Love languages and gifting take on new meaning with distance
• Combating loneliness through proactive communication is vital
• Trust and respect are essential in their relationship
• Long-distance relationships often face misconceptions about their viability
Welcome to a Blonde, a Brunette and a Mike podcast. We're just two Seattle besties who keep it real, definitely unfiltered, and are always ready for a laugh.
Speaker 2:I'm Michelle the Blonde, hey there, and I'm Jules the Brunette. Join us as we dive into all of the juicy topics like dating, women's health, sex politics, relationships and everything in between.
Speaker 1:We each have our own unique perspective and don't always see eye to eye, but that just makes our conversations that much more interesting. That's right.
Speaker 2:So if you're looking for a podcast that's both entertaining and honest, I think we've got you covered. Two authentic women, both with real talk.
Speaker 1:Let's go.
Speaker 2:Woohoo, hey, shelly. Hey, we've got our Moscow Mule Cups, but they don't have Moscow Mules in them. They have it has.
Speaker 1:Well, it's Tito's and it's soda. We got a little splash of cran, mango and a lime. I know.
Speaker 2:So it's kind of like our version of a Cosmo. It's kind of bougie Cheers, just because it's Did you just say bougie, I did I like it in this cut.
Speaker 1:You know how I am about my cuts Clink, clink. We got the cheers going on, yeah.
Speaker 2:Anyway, I'm ready to go. Yeah, so we're also cheersing because our socials are looking kind of fun.
Speaker 1:Socials are fun expanding. If you haven't checked us out on youtube, please do and subscribe as well. Tell your friends about us, because if you're enjoying us, maybe they will too, and we we love a bigger community we do and we're having a lot of fun with the comments and people reaching out and stuff.
Speaker 2:so thank you everybody for listening and for being a part of our community. We are enjoying it thoroughly, yeah, uh, and today we are. We're going to have a little special topic today. Does Michelle look nervous? She's a little nervous.
Speaker 2:So, as many of you know, there are lots of different types of relationships, right, and we had one episode where we talked about a variety of different kinds between monogamous relationships, long distance relationships. You know, not monogamous relationship, all different kinds. You know, and we're hopefully going to have some people that on a future date that can share some of those lifestyles that we're not super familiar with. But there is one that Michelle is very familiar with and that is the long distance relationship very familiar with, and that is the long distance relationship which I still am in awe of, her and her sweetheart Rick, because I can't believe that they have been doing this for as long as they have. Yeah, I would be such a big brat baby. We go the distance, man, I'm telling you yeah. So we want to talk about that a little bit, because here's the thing I have heard enough people say to me that girl's smart. Michelle is smart, you know, because she's got the best of both worlds. She has this amazing guy and she sees him every what? Six weeks or?
Speaker 1:you know a couple of months.
Speaker 2:Every couple of months Used to be longer, but you know, the longer we're together, the more frequent we see each other, you know, the longer we're together, the more frequent we see each other, right, yeah, so, and being in the same place for, you know, a month at a time or something is going to be kind of interesting when the time happens, yeah, but in the meantime they kind of learn something about each other every time that they're together. Michelle, if she'd be willing to share a little bit of insight on the long distance relationship that she has, because, as I mentioned before, I am in awe, because I just don't think it would be something that I would be able to do on without an end in sight, you know, a long term, without having a goal in sight, an open ended type of situation.
Speaker 2:I just I personally couldn't do it, but then again maybe I could At this age I think we could do a lot of things differently that we thought we couldn't do it, but then again, maybe I could At this age I think we could do a lot of things differently that we thought we couldn't do before. So why don't you give us a little bit of insight on how this started and how long it's been going on and what you've found over the course of time?
Speaker 1:That's a loaded. That was like a three-part question. That's a loaded. That was like a three-part question. I was in Alaska for work. He was in Alaska for work. We were both staying at the Sheraton and I saw him for the first time in the bar, and so I won't go into the squishy story about it, but that's where we met for the first time and we exchanged information and you know that was March this year, so in another month it'll be nine years ago that we met. You know he's from the Midwest and I'm from the West. Here in the Pacific Northwest we live 2,000 miles apart, and that was in March. You know he travels for work and so you know I saw him now and again. We communicated and it just has. It just evolved Over time, over time, and obviously we really enjoyed each other's company. It was interesting and curious. For a while we didn't obviously know each other.
Speaker 2:We didn't see each other every day, so it was a process, a process for sure, the one thing that I've always been so curious about is how you've been able to kind of maintain that day-to-day type of communication, Because that seems to me like that would be the most difficult thing, Because you don't I mean day-to-day life you have very mundane things really going on in your life, right, things that are happening at work or the drive home, or at the grocery, whatever, and those aren't things necessarily that you would chat with somebody and share on a daily basis, right, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and if you think about it, you don't either when you're in the same place.
Speaker 1:I mean you're both going to your separate jobs every day, doing what you do with you know eight hours a day, and obviously, when you're starting in a new relationship and it wasn't even that you know, we're just getting to know each other from a distance, which is yeah, it's different than when you're in the same place, but you know, it was definitely something to look forward to, because it's not like we would come home and see each other or meet each other for happy hours right.
Speaker 1:That we didn't have that option, and so is texting. You know there's there was a lot of texting and we pretty much talked on the phone every single day. Facetime you know, those are all things that have, of course, facetime, those are all things that, of course, have been part of the beginning and how we're moving through it, and it leaves a lot of open thoughts on who this person is Right.
Speaker 2:Right? Did you find that you were learning something new every single time you guys were together?
Speaker 1:I laugh about that because, as you know, not initially there was, of course, a dating period, even at a distance, right. That was just different than what it is when you're in the same place. But you know, as as time would go on and either he would be visiting me or when I would visit him, I kind of started this thing like so what did you learn about me this time that you didn't know before? Right, it's kind of this, you know little little game and you know there's always something, yeah there's always something you're going to learn.
Speaker 2:There's always something. Even how you live and how he lives are different. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And how you clean up after things and how you get ready when you go somewhere and all kinds of different things. You know little nuances that you don't even realize. But I think when you're at a distance and you don't see each other on a daily basis or every other day and that kind of thing, and after a couple of years a lot of people now, after a couple of years, will probably be living together, right.
Speaker 2:Or they're staying overnight at each other's places all the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's that's not the not the case here, obviously. So, um, you know just just the little things. That's why trying to go out of your way to recognize things and bring newness and and fun into it as as a part of that, like I said, that's why I would be like so you know what'd you? Learn that you didn't know before, Right. So?
Speaker 2:yeah, did you find that? Did you guys ever talk about love languages, like how you would like what, what works for him, like what kind of things would be good for him from a distance? And when you're looking at love languages, like like the acts of service, obviously are not things necessarily that you could do but like the gifting thing, right, you know. But if he's not a person who's really drawn to having gifts, then that wouldn't necessarily be something that resonates right, right.
Speaker 2:Whereas you might be someone who's drawn to gifts but he doesn't do gifts, or you know it's interesting.
Speaker 1:We've never like taken a deep dive into those things. We recognize what each other's love languages are because we have talked about that.
Speaker 1:But just even as you're posing that question, it makes me think how, when you are at a distance, it puts a different how, when you are at a distance, it puts a different, it almost puts a different spin on it. You know, when it comes to the love language thing, because you know I especially when, as we were getting to know each other, I loved sending boxes right, and we're big on cards, cards, boxes, little something that you can send, because that's how that brings the connection in. And whatever is in those is representative and speaks to the kind of person that you are. So it's exposing at the same time different aspects.
Speaker 2:Sure Does that make sense? Well, and it probably, especially if, like, the cards and the gifts and things like that that are getting sent aren't something that, like say, he's comfortable with doing. He has to really make an effort to do that so you know that it's even more special.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's thought that goes into different things and yeah yeah, yeah, and keeping things spicy yeah so let's talk about spicy.
Speaker 2:So how have you been able to combat the feeling of like missing him and the loan? There's loneliness. Obviously that corresponds with that when you're trying to to live your life but you want to share something that's happening with them.
Speaker 1:You know you know it's communication can be challenging in any relationship, sure? So add the layer of 2 000 miles and there you go. So communication is even, and even in different ways, I think, probably because you know if I'm feeling some kind of way. It's actually something that I learned through this relationship about myself, and the importance of letting him know if I am feeling some kind of way, even based on his communication, is huge in a long distance relationship, right?
Speaker 2:I would say, probably in some respects even more so. Yes.
Speaker 1:Yes, because of the distance. It's not like this has never happened, but it's. It's not like if he wasn't answering the phone. I can't just like drive my ass over there and knock on the door. See what's going on.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's not an option. So there's a level of trust. Yeah, level of trust. The communication is huge and respect the respect um realizing that.
Speaker 1:Respect the respect, realizing that, yeah, you know vice versa he can't just show up on my doorstep Right and so going out of your way to communicate, whereas if you're in a relationship, that's that where you're both there, it might feel different because you can do those things. So I don't know if that makes sense, but what I'm trying to convey, but because you're not able to do those things, the level of respect that comes into play is super important and I have to say he's definitely a champ.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, he really has been pretty wonderful about it, yeah.
Speaker 2:I know we, we talk we've talked about this so many times because I don't have. I haven't really been in that situation until like way, way back when I was dating Brian. You know we lived apart for 13, 14 months. He was down in California and I was here. We got engaged halfway through that time period. So whenever we saw each other, it was always this like you know wonderful moment kind of a thing, where it's like there's no fighting, there's no arguing, there's, you know, everything's wonderful.
Speaker 2:It's like this long weekend kind of a thing you know, and then when you're in the same place, it's like a whole. It was a whole different ballgame. You have to kind of learn to live together and we had to learn each other's kind of idiosyncrasies and just the things that would be pet peeves, because we really hadn't been exposed to them in the same way before. So what do you, what can you do, or what do you do to kind of combat some of that feeling of being apart, like when you're missing?
Speaker 1:I just feel so fortunate being in a relationship like we are long distance with technology.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's huge.
Speaker 1:FaceTime is huge, you know, and on top of the distance we have a three hour time difference.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1:So when I'm like getting off work, he's, you know, it's, it's, he's, he's done his deal for the evening and he's getting ready for bed. So there's a timing thing. That that comes into play too and it, you know, as we've gone on and on and our relationship has solidified and the trust has deepened and the respect factors, all of that stuff, it's interesting because you do get to know each other on a day-to-day basis and what those rhythms are and how to um, how to recognize him how to recognize the rhythms and what the other one has going on Like.
Speaker 1:If, if we just you know, have a quick phone call before before bed, it's okay. I mean like it's late, his day is done, I'm still early evening, remember when you guys were.
Speaker 2:you were saying, when you very first started seeing each other, you had like this expectation.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, we actually. Actually, I learned early on that expectations in a long distance relationship are not realistic. Yeah, and he really helped me recognize that honestly, because I think, as a woman, we tend to have expectations regardless. And, don't get me wrong, there are things that are a given right, but we did FaceTime every single day and it was late at night and we would into the hours. There were a lot of things. No-transcript.
Speaker 2:There were a lot of things. It's kind of like the real, fresh dating stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, getting to know each other. But as time has gone on, yeah, we have recognized our rhythm and come to a level of respect and we know enough about each other now? I would hope so after nine years to where it's all good. It's all good, you're just so chill about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And you know it hasn't always been chill. There's been things and moments and it's, like you know, trying to figure it out and coming to the place, to where you can feel chill if you will about it Kind of like whatever will be, will be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, whatever the future holds, it will hold, and those are the things we've talked about where I've been like and it's our personalities are so different because I just really can't fathom what you've explained to me or what you're doing, because it's not something that I've.
Speaker 2:When I did that before a long, long, long, long time ago, there was an end in sight, right, and it was a pretty short end in sight. So I would be, I would probably be okay with it if I knew that there was like an end in sight, because, especially, you know, where men are concerned is, men and women are very different, and he's a good looking guy and you know you have to be in a place where you are very trusting of his intentions and you've. Obviously he has to trust your intentions too, because there's been plenty of times when we're out and stuff and I'm like stay away, she's taken.
Speaker 1:You know you know, leave her alone.
Speaker 2:She's fine, you know, yeah. So what do you think some of the misconceptions are out there of long distance relationships that we can kind of enlighten some people about?
Speaker 1:I think, some of the givens. When it comes to long distance relationships, I think there is the idea that they're doomed. Why would you even put in the time and effort? Is it really going to go anywhere? Would you even put in the time and effort? Is it really going to go anywhere? Where's it going to get you that? Uh, either or the man or the woman at when you're in a long distance relation relationship? Um, they're going to cheat, uh, you know that happens.
Speaker 2:That happens when people live in the same place.
Speaker 1:Exactly that happens, no matter what Right. So, um, you know it's, it's just really your, your, your mindset, and getting to know your person, truly getting to know your person, and and um, recognizing things about them, patterns, consistent, just like, just like I was saying, just how we live our everyday life and what we have going on. You know he has, he has a family, I have a family, I have grandkids. We have all these things that are going on.
Speaker 2:And you've started to weave those things together. Yeah, I mean definitely. He has two amazing daughters and you know he's so dedicated to them and it's really cool to see how well they've done, but a lot of that is a testimony to him you know, and the kind of effort he's put into that, and they don't live even in the same state that he lives, right, you know.
Speaker 2:So he's supporting them from a distance, but his home, where he lives in Indianapolis, is where they grew up, and so that's kind of the home base now, yeah, and so that's kind of the home base now, yeah, and so that's where he's at and I and he's been here, you know, obviously several times and he's like there's no way I would ever live here. It's too expensive, which is true If you compare where we're at, compared to Indianapolis it's.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh, no problem, you can get a shack for 600,000 here, you know, if you move way out, of the city kind of a thing. Yeah, it is kind of that bad, but it's. It's interesting to see you know the differences in terms of lifestyle. Like, yeah, I'm always like, okay, what's the next step, what's the next step? And Michelle's like, well, just kind of wait and see what happens.
Speaker 1:And I just I love that about you.
Speaker 2:Because I I admire that really. It's's like you're just kind of doing what you do and I think the timing in terms of where we are in our lives, it kind of makes sense, and we've been in conversations with people in groups and things where they're like oh my God, michelle, this is like the perfect scenario.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You've got, you know this amazing guy. But you got your own time, you can do your own thing. You kind of live independently. But then you spend all this time with him and get to do fun things and everything, and you know and you're perfectly happy and settled that way.
Speaker 1:I have to say that you know we are. We're going on nine years and and the longer time goes on, the more it's it's getting. I'm not going to say difficult, but it's like I was saying we see each other more often now. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because it is harder to be apart. Well, it's quality time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's harder to be apart and because we are starting to weave those things in amongst each other and with our families in a way. Yeah, there's just more of that want. So it's almost. You move through these phases. It's definitely been phases. But you know, it doesn't just because you're at a distance doesn't mean the other one's going to cheat. Just because you're at a distance doesn't mean that it's doomed Like.
Speaker 2:think of all the things that are possibilities, you know in that situation, I mean, if you were waiting to meet somebody that is, you know, local, or even you know just even in happenstance or whatever, meeting someone who's local, the likelihood is that you know there are so many other people that are out there in this world and you guys met in such a real serendipitous way you know that it's kind of cool. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1:Well, and it took me a long time to you know, after I was divorced, and figuring out who the heck I am and moving through all that, and then you kind of come to a place do I have it all figured out? Hell, no. But you get to a place where, okay, I think I have figured this out and what I need to do and who I am and how I'm moving through life as a single woman with a family and all the stuff right. So it takes you a long time to figure that out. And now, having this other person, it's definitely just like life in general, the phases you go through. So is the relationship right, you know? And, and just like any relationship, there's, there's all the things there's patience, there's communication, there's understanding, there's flexibility, there's sacrifice, there's, there's a lot. And I I just feel like for me it's even more warranted in a way, when you're doing this at a distance, trying to bring it all together. You almost have to work harder.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's more forethought. I think that goes into things in all aspects. There's got to be more forethought for me anyways. And yeah, you know, it's nine years later and it's still kind of new because we have more phases that we're going to be going through Right.
Speaker 2:So, I was saying to Michelle, I was telling these guys, I was saying to Michelle that, okay, I think I'm always like trying to plan to make sure she's happy, right. I think maybe you guys need to be like be in the same place for like a month or two months at a time and really get a feel for it, like work from you know, work remotely or something, and get a feel for it, because every day is kind of like it's like vacation. You know, when you guys see each other, it's a week at a time.
Speaker 1:You were saying that and it is true Like you know, every when we see each other it's it's, you know, it's like we're playing house because we haven't seen each other and it's great and uh. But you know, it's kind of everyday too. We don't make it this big to do.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:When we see each other, we're just doing normal everyday shit. You guys go to Costco.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we do everyday shit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so there's that, but keep an open mind about it. Yeah For sure. Just, you know anybody out there that is considering it. It's not a bad thing.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:It's not doomed and there are really great possibilities. Depends on the people, right For sure, but with the right mindset and, you know, depending on what you want. Are those your words of wisdom? There's my words of wisdom yeah, yeah, yeah, it's turned out. Uh, turned out, it's it's actually. I love it. I can't wait till we can be together all the time.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That'll come.
Speaker 2:That'll come. So let me ask you this nine years ago, when you guys first met, and then even like year into it, two years into it, when you were just kind of trying to feel it all out, yeah, did you think it would be nine years later, I mean, I would say, no, I mean, if you knew that. What would you have thought back?
Speaker 1:then I don't want to say no, but it's like I don't know that I thought that far ahead, right, yeah. So it was just like because of all the dynamics and things that you're trying to figure out and navigate and maneuver and come together on right and, honestly, a couple years into it is still how could I align it with somebody that's in the same proximity, right, A couple years into it? For a long distance relationship like ours is probably like six months into a dating relationship when you're living in the same place, right, If even something like that, right. So two years into it was still just like really new.
Speaker 1:How do you know? I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a big leap of faith. Yeah, a leap of faith.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:He's worth it. He's worth it, worth it. Yeah, she was just saying, today she was like I don't know what we were talking about and she was sitting up at the counter and I walk in and she was like I am just so in love with him. I'm like it's the cutest thing ever.
Speaker 1:I did say that I love that for you.
Speaker 2:And I just think I thought it was kind of a cool thing to share because I think a lot of women in particular men too, but you know women are a bulk of our audience. They're curious about this?
Speaker 1:Yeah, because it's almost like having the best of both worlds. Keep your options open, ladies. Keep your options open.
Speaker 2:Especially if you're getting, if you're used to living the life, the way you choose to live or the things that you choose to do and you don't want to deviate from that, this might be a really good option for you if you meet someone who's really special.
Speaker 1:There are some, you know really good men I'm sure special. There are some, you know really good men I'm sure outside of wherever it is you're, you're living and go explore. Yeah, keep, keep your mind open, keep your options open, go explore, have fun.
Speaker 2:Have fun, yeah, okay. Well, michelle's out having fun and, on that note, thank you everybody for joining us and I hope you learned a little bit from michelle a little tidbit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, long distance relationship, we're not even having to cut any of this out no I didn't make her get into all the deets all the dirty deets, keeping it high level out of respect for my guy yeah, but yeah, yeah, it's a good thing okay yeah, hey, did you have a ring the bell?
Speaker 2:uh, I think you do, I do. Yeah, why don't you do this one? Because there we go uh the start of ring the bell yeah is.
Speaker 1:So here we go. Uh, deal breakers in the bedroom, jules. So I've heard that. Socks if your man wears socks to bed, is that a deal breaker? I'm sure there's others, but let's just talk about that for a second. Socks in bed is that a deal breaker, guys or gals?
Speaker 2:Guys or gals, okay. So I was told one time that it provides good traction. I don't even I call total bullshit on that, okay okay I think it's just yes, I was like that.
Speaker 1:We need traction man.
Speaker 2:Thank you very much. I think it was an excuse. No, I, I don't like that I don't like that. I mean, would I kick someone out of bed for it? Probably not. Yeah, maybe ask them to take them off, right?
Speaker 1:Right, Well, and this kind of ties in with because there are times I wear socks to bed I'll put you know foot cream and like lotions and getting, because I want you know my feet to be soft, and then I put the socks on and you sleep in them. Yeah Right, If my guy is here.
Speaker 2:You don't do that.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to sleep with the socks on my feet. So that's wherein some of those things that you might not know.
Speaker 2:So the day-to-day, it's not only the socks, it's the not shaved legs, it's all this stuff, right, yeah, but you know what?
Speaker 1:I'd be fine with wearing socks, I think he would be too.
Speaker 2:I think it just depends on how freezing cold it is outside. Yeah, but it wouldn't be my first preference, but again.
Speaker 1:I'm not that. Can you think of any other bedroom? Deal breakers Say that 10 times fast. You know, no, not really. That would be a deal breaker. No, no, like. Do you have an example? Oh, I was just wondering if anything was, you know, coming to top of mind, like do you like it when men sleep in underwear, or do you mind it if they sleep in full pajamas? Would that be a deal breaker if they did it all the time? How?
Speaker 2:old, are you Two?
Speaker 1:Let me button up my jammies.
Speaker 2:I've always worn stuff to sleep in.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like tank top, pair of shorts. Some people sleep naked. Yeah, iies, I've always worn stuff to sleep in yeah, like tank top, pair, shorts. Some people sleep naked. Yeah, I know, I know I do, and so I'm all about like my sheets. I want my sheets to be like, in really good shape. And I like good quality sheets. Got to wash them a lot. But yeah, the sleeping naked I'm just. I don't know, I mean I will, but it's not like my first inclination, right and.
Speaker 2:I think a lot of that comes from having kids right, Because they're coming in bowling open the door. Mom, I didn't even think about that, but you're totally right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, totally right.
Speaker 2:Basically you start out that way, and then you just kind of keep going that way. But I don't like to be cold.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what a lot of it is for me. That's where the electronics come in handy.
Speaker 2:The child's going to walk in and you know all the things, did you ever walk in on your parents? No, really.
Speaker 1:No, yeah, all the things Anyways.
Speaker 2:Did you ever walk in on your parents?
Speaker 1:No, Really no, I did one time.
Speaker 2:One time and I was maybe Did any of your kids ever walk in on you. No. Me neither no never, not that I know. Well, if they did, they didn't say anything. But no, I remember walking in one time on my parents and I don't Now I time on my parents and I don't now I know at the time I didn't probably know, but yeah yeah there was that real life people. Yep, we're all just out there living real life. Everybody does it. And on that note, yep, we're out yeah.
Speaker 1:Peace out. Thank you, people. All right, bye. Havea good day. I'm a hick, yo, I'm a hick. Yeah, I'm a hick. I'm a hick, I'm a hick.