A Blonde A Brunette and a Mic
Look forward to time with these two women who have life experience and something to say! Join us each week as we dive into topics that may be raw, unfiltered, funny and even a little controversial. Whatever we discuss will give you our perspective, get you thinking and will keep you coming back for more!
A Blonde A Brunette and a Mic
Episode 104 Standards Vs. Expectations
Ever wondered why your personal standards feel like a lifeline, while societal expectations seem like chains? Explore this paradox as we share intimate stories of navigating life’s pivotal moments, including post-divorce revelations, and how differentiating between expectations and standards can be transformative. From dating adventures to personal identity crises, we discuss the power of setting personal benchmarks and the liberation that comes with refusing to compromise.
Balancing work and home life can feel like juggling flaming swords, especially when societal norms and professional biases complicate the act. We unravel the persistent challenges women face in this arena, highlighting the struggle to adapt without spreading oneself too thin. Despite strides towards equality, double standards persist, but there’s hope in redefining success on a personal level. Through candid reflections, we celebrate the freedom to choose our paths, whether in careers or homemaking, and the empowerment that comes from aligning with personal values.
Join us as we dissect the intricate dance of expectations and standards in relationships, body image, and even luxury indulgences. We humorously debate the worth of a well-aligned smile in dating and the allure of luxury items, while emphasizing the importance of authenticity and personal satisfaction. From the influence of friendships on self-image to embracing the liberating shift in priorities with age, our stories and insights encourage a journey towards self-acceptance and living life true to oneself.
We're rolling in the new studio folks. Woo-hoo, here we are.
Speaker 2:Back again, mm-hmm, how's it going?
Speaker 1:Michelle, it's going great because I'm sitting on this super comfy couch and it's just like A podcast studio, right? Pretty much, yep.
Speaker 2:Shout out to Andrew who just said Mom, can I pull everything out of here and you'll be okay with getting rid of it? And I'm like hell, yeah, let's do that. So he said pull this out, do this, do this. Like he's giving me advice on how to organize. We ripped the Band-Aid. He ripped the Band-Aid. Yeah, so we've got super comfy couches and our lighting and our mics and she's got a Tito's and. Tonic Tito's and Tonic she didn't even make me one. What's up with that?
Speaker 1:Well.
Speaker 2:I could. It's not dry January for me, I know.
Speaker 1:It's not for you, apparently, obviously not for me either.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, we have a fun I wouldn't say fun. We have a topic today. Let's just say it's kind of something that's come up recently in conversation, right yeah?
Speaker 1:What are we going?
Speaker 2:to talk about today. Expectations versus standards for women, For women right and finding a balance, and so when you're thinking about expectations versus standards, are you talking about just generally in life, or are you talking about, like, the dating world, the work world or a combination?
Speaker 1:I'm sure it's a combination of everything, which and I'm just speaking for myself combination of everything. I'm well.
Speaker 2:I am in the dating world, not multiple people, as I have one, but why were you pointing at me when you just said that Well, what am I? A hoe or something? You're pointing at me saying not multiple people. Well, damn girl.
Speaker 1:You're not in a committed relationship.
Speaker 2:I am not exclusive. Yes, that's true.
Speaker 1:That's all I meant by that, but it made me think, too, about a period of time when I went through trying to figure out what my expectations were and how it does tie in with standards and I'm saying this now, not realizing it back then. Right, you know, but being able, there definitely is a difference between the two.
Speaker 2:I'm 100% in agreement with you on that. Absolutely yeah, absolutely, absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1:Abso-fucking-lutely. Expectations are placed on us Abso-fucking-lutely. Yeah, and I think it's a combination of all of that. Yeah, and it just takes me back to after I was divorced and I was trying to figure out who the heck I was moving through all of that and you have these. Well, I can only do the hindsight thing feeling like I don't even know that it's 2020.
Speaker 1:Honestly, I would like to think that it is, but looking back at that, I see and I recall how I was moving through all of that, really trying to figure out who I was and the expectations that I had on myself now as a woman Right, because prior to that I don't know that, I really even thought about that.
Speaker 2:It just was part of our everyday life, what we did.
Speaker 1:The expectations that I had on myself as a wife and a mother and a working woman, all of that stuff wrapped up into one, but separate from that as a woman just me and who I was and the expectations I had for myself. Spin that into what turns into standards, because you learn a lot through that process, right, I think. Anyways, I feel like I did.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I never really thought about the difference between the two until I did start dating. Honestly, because I can think of different conversations that I've had over time about people, determining what I was doing was maybe that I had expectations, when really it was more that I just wasn't going to put up with shit. There were things that I was just not okay with and I was comfortable walking away from. It's not an expectation, necessarily, but a standard that I'm holding myself to. So the way I had explained it when I was talking with someone the other day was expectations in the world of dating, let's just say, are things that people anticipate. We have or have on us expectations for us maybe to do things a certain way, or expectations for how you look, how you dress.
Speaker 1:I was going to say what do you mean?
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, whereas standards are things that you have for yourself, your standards are what you don't deviate from. It's not that you have. So when you say expectations, it's like what you have for other people, that you have in your life, for example, or what you have in terms of quality on products or whatever. Those are your expectations. They're also, in some respects, your standards, I think, because if you don't deviate from them, you know like let's just say, for example, this is a very shallow example, but I probably wouldn't date a guy who didn't have good teeth. Is that an expectation or is it a standard? That's an expectation.
Speaker 1:And it's kind of a standard. Yeah, I know this is actually very provoking.
Speaker 2:I'm calling myself out a little because it's a little. No, I'm just like, I can't.
Speaker 1:Dude. I just I mean like I can't dude. I just I mean I won't even know what's interesting about that, though a little bit of a rabbit hole. But okay, gary Payton, terrible teeth. Have you seen his teeth and his smile I? I just remember watching him when he played for the Sonics and thinking dude, has so much money, why are you?
Speaker 2:not fixing the smile.
Speaker 1:I don't know, that just came about. You know you're talking about the teeth thing and that's just very vivid in my memory for some reason. Yeah, Love you, Gary. I love the Supersonics, Love watching you play those teeth man Dude's got so much money.
Speaker 2:Why is it? But maybe it's just not a priority, or they don't look or they don't have the same like weird fetish thing that I have.
Speaker 1:it's not a fetish, but you think that they can. They can fix pretty much anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when it comes to teeth I had been dating a guy that I dated for like three years. He had one of the. He had knocked his tooth out when he was a senior in high school playing basketball, and so he ended up having one of those. It wasn't an implant, it was like a thing you put in your mouth and that just you took it out to clean it or whatever.
Speaker 1:Like a one tooth denture. Yes, that's exactly what it was.
Speaker 2:It was exactly what it was and, you know, maybe it was a money thing or something when he was growing up. They just didn't have the money to do it right, I don't know. But then the other teeth weren't great either. So in terms of being crooked and everything, and I'm like why don't you just get it all done at one time, but that anyway. So we are down a rabbit hole.
Speaker 1:I use a very, very shallow.
Speaker 2:I'm just, I'm not that shallow people, I'm really not.
Speaker 1:Well, but that has to do with attraction. That goes into a whole other thing you know, pardon me, I just need to get this up a little bit.
Speaker 2:She needs to get her microphone up, okay yeah, I mean, I'm pretty good at getting things up, so I know right we're not gonna go, we're good now yeah, let's see if he could keep it there holy smoke she's really good and skilled at that too, apparently. Anyway, we did digress just a tiny bit from teeth to microphones that are, you know, pseudos, other things.
Speaker 1:But you can see how so much of it is tied in with together. Right, you know so, but to your point, I think expectations, like we tend to do, put them on others. Right, we have expectations. We have expectations for our kids, we have expectations with spouses, we have expectations on people at work. Hence, people put expectations on us.
Speaker 2:So they're not necessarily things that we are going to meet expectations for, because maybe they're expectations we think are unreasonable or they're not things we're willing to do.
Speaker 1:Well, I think there's all kinds of variations in regard to it, because I just gave a lot of examples and, when you think about it, so the expectations are things that other people put on you when it comes to that, and expectations, however, I think are important to have for yourself, because setting those expectations for yourself are going to be what, in turn, sets the standard, I think Does that make sense.
Speaker 2:It does, it does. But I've really had to take some time to think about standards and things that I have wanted to set for myself or I had wanted to. You know, they're kind of your moral compass in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2:Yes, compass, depending upon what your situation is. There are things you won't deviate from because they're very important to you. So some could be like for example, if you're in a relationship with someone who has a very different religion than you, your standard might be that you really want to be invested in a relationship with someone who shares the same religious beliefs. So that would be a standard.
Speaker 1:It's not an expectation want to be invested in a relationship with someone who shares the same religious beliefs. So that would be a standard. It's not an expectation. Very bringing me back to my Mormon roots. Right there, standards are very much spoken about and with regard to that, yeah, the standard is that and you strive to marry within.
Speaker 2:Within yeah, stay within your group.
Speaker 1:That's not a bad thing.
Speaker 2:It's not a bad thing because it does potentially create a lot of other types of problems in a relationship. But I also think that there are, of course, me and my guilty pleasure of 90-day fiance. It's like. This is my example a gentleman who is from, I think, south Africa and he's Muslim and the girl that he is in love with is Christian and she's not accepted by his family because she's not going to convert to Islam.
Speaker 2:I knew somebody that went through this. Yeah, same, yeah. So that's an expectation of the family for her to do that, but her personal standards are. I don't want to be Muslim, I don't want to live by that. I love this person, but when it starts coming down to raising children, how you're celebrating certain things, how you know things are done within the household, unless both people are on the same page about respecting each other's values and what's important to them, it's going to be a problem. You know, it's just. There's a woman that I knew from St Luke. Her kids went to St Luke and they were Catholic, they were being raised Catholic, but she was married to a Jewish man and so the kids. It was really cool because the kids knew about both religions, they knew how they kind of intersected and they celebrated Christmas holidays and they celebrated any you know their other religious holidays. You know Hanukkah and things like that.
Speaker 2:So they and they knew all about both and I just thought that was kind of cool, because it's like a household that obviously is a very loving household, but they weren't forced to do things. Michelle, you got to get it back up.
Speaker 1:If you're just listening you're not watching this. If you're not watching this, you're not going to get it, but my microphone is not cooperating. In regard to, I'm going to. I'm looking at yours.
Speaker 2:Mine's got a permanent hard-on until it doesn't.
Speaker 1:I'm very envious.
Speaker 2:She's envious. She has penis envy, microphone envy you have microphone envy?
Speaker 1:I totally do. Oh, hang it, now we're going to.
Speaker 2:So let's talk about some pressures.
Speaker 1:Well, I was actually that I did have the thought I was going to ask you. What do you think some societal expectations are that are put on women?
Speaker 2:In regard to just be in just general, yes, general societal expectations that are put on women. How much?
Speaker 1:time do you have? I know there is a ton.
Speaker 2:I was watching this documentary thing yesterday on women breastfeeding. Don't ask me why. It's not like I'm going to be breastfeeding or anything, but I just thought it was kind of interesting because women in this day and age are much more comfortable, I think, with the idea of breastfeeding and it not being so.
Speaker 2:You know something you have to hide, so much because you're worried about making other people feel uncomfortable. And so this particular woman just had decided not to do maternity leave or whatever and went back to work and so she's nursing her baby like in the office, but then the baby's getting fussy and so it is, and she was. What she was having trouble with was that she wasn't able to quote do it all the same way that she did it before, and the understanding really that came out of it was I don't have to do it all the same way I did it before. I can still be a badass in business, I can still run this company, I can still do all these things, but I can also be a nurturing mother and take care of my baby. And it's not like I have to choose my career or choose my baby. I need to be able to be thoughtful about how I do it. So her expectations changed for how she was choosing to handle the situation. She was trying not to deviate from what she'd always done, because she felt like she was going to be treated differently.
Speaker 2:And when you think about it in the workplace, people say that doesn't happen, bullshit. That's such bullshit. It happens, but it's gotten better, though. It has gotten better. You see mother's rooms, for example. Yes, you know you have maternity leave. You have paternity leave. You have things where the society is trying to focus on the parents being able to interact more with their children. But if you think about the core of our entire problem in the United States, it's about, honestly, a lot of it does come down to family. It does come down to where children start and how they raise. Let's not even get down that rabbit hole.
Speaker 1:That's another episode.
Speaker 2:But how we integrate our expectations and the standards that we create from those in our workplace, I think is directly related to that. So if you have say you have a misogynistic, you know gentleman who is from an older generation, doesn't get it, doesn't understand what's happening with this woman bringing her baby or her pumping at work or whatever.
Speaker 2:You know, is he going to treat her differently? He's not supposed to. He's legally not supposed to, but does he? Does he give someone else work? I mean, I don't know, there's lots of different ways you could probably look at it, but I was watching that and I was thinking to myself. It's like having been a mother, having been in the workplace, and I don't have that personality where I feel like I have to keep them completely separate. It's like I'm a mom, it's like I've got. This is a huge part of my life, and if there's pictures on my desk of my kid, it's not like I'm not focused on my work. You know I had a store manager once.
Speaker 1:Oh geez, at Nordstrom, yeah uh, who came in? Like we lost one store manager, so new store manager comes in. Totally didn't want any family pictures on our desks at work for that very reason, because you'd be distracted and not focused on what you're at work to do? Yeah, can you believe that?
Speaker 2:That's pretty bad.
Speaker 1:I kind of forgot about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean that just sounds like a, really honestly, I mean straight up, and she might not be, I don't know who it is, but it was a he. Oh, ok, it was like he. But yeah, he sounds pretty insensitive, and cold hearted and it's like, if you look at a work environment, it's like there has to be a balance and you can't have people be like robots. I know, you know but he's probably gotten away with it before in other places, probably so.
Speaker 1:Anyway, going back to our outline that we're trying to solve, oh yeah, well, no societal expectations, because I think you know, when you think about women and the expectations that there are, it's like so many I think we do.
Speaker 2:I think we do place a lot of that on ourselves too. I mean I because we feel like we can do it all, you feel like you want to do it all and the reality is that and we've said this before in other episodes that by trying to maintain those expectations, that we really aren't having standards because our expectations are taking over and we're not doing ourselves any favors because, as I mentioned we've said before, it's like we do everything half-assed, because you're not really focusing your time and energy on one thing at a time, or on the top three things that are the most important, or whatever you know.
Speaker 1:You're just spreading out too thin All the opinions that go along with what the expectations are. You know what I mean. We're expected to thrive in the workplace but at the same time, if you're a boss bitch and really know what's going on, you're just that You're a bitch and it's this double standard there we go with that word again. It's the expectations that they have for us.
Speaker 1:And then when you're trying to accomplish, not because of the expectation, but just because of the way things are now- and you're just living life as a woman in this society, right, doing the things that you have to to get on in the world. There's all these double standards that come into play as a result of what you're doing. You know, working outside of the home, for example, as these things have evolved, right, the expectation used to be you stay home with your kids and you know not that.
Speaker 2:I'm against that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the woman stays home with the kids and you know you're the homemaker, susie homemaker. You're home with the kids and you cook the meals and you do all the things, the laundry.
Speaker 2:You're doing all that stuff right, and there's some women that are perfectly fine with having that be their role.
Speaker 1:There's nothing wrong with it. No judgment no.
Speaker 2:That would not be for me to be on a permanent basis, unless we were, like, really wealthy and I didn't have.
Speaker 1:I totally could have done that. I enjoyed. I was home with my kids for nine years. I did it for quite a while in the first part of when I was married. But, um, and, and I think it's a good thing if you're able to do that, I have a lot of opinions on that, so it was just. But in speaking of society and the expectations that there are so in the double standard, now comes into play how, because of the cost of living, and a lot of things, which there's a whole other side of that too, depending on how you're living your life, but we're still doing all that stuff, yeah.
Speaker 2:And then some.
Speaker 1:And then some.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, right. So going out into the workforce but also handling, like, all the kids stuff, all the things with the schools.
Speaker 1:So back to your original question. Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off, that's okay, but it is making me think. Back to your original question. We're talking more about things really in life, I think, as far as expectations, because that's what we've experienced for a better part of our time here on this wonderful earth, right, yeah?
Speaker 2:Okay, well, dialing it down to a couple of different topics then, within expectations versus standards, it's like let's talk about dating for a second.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So we kind of started out with that. That, initially, was what we were going to be really focused on, but we've obviously gotten to a few other things because it's a very all-encompassing topic. I think when it comes to just general, everybody has a different view on things. I feel like when women are and I can't speak for men obviously we will have to have a guy on here really to talk about it from their perspective, because I feel like that could be very valuable.
Speaker 2:We can speak about it from our own, but I've come to learn the difference, I guess what I'm saying as I've gotten more, I would say, experience, dating or being around. Different people that come from different walks of life have different things that they think are important than I do. Whatever do, whatever, you start realizing that the things that you had in place that are standards, are being viewed in some respects as expectations on other people. Like I don't know if I can meet that expectation. You know that kind of a thing and I'd be looking at it going. Well, it's not an expectation In my mind, it's a standard, and if, if you're not comfortable with that, then we're not in the right frame.
Speaker 2:We're not, we're not a good match, I guess you know yeah, yeah, and there's probably more of that, or or the whole thing about like casual dating versus intentional dating it's like the expectations for a lot of, I can say, men.
Speaker 2:You know, not all men, of course, but a lot of men are they just want to have fun. They just just want, you know, like the the fun without the commitment. They want the fun without having to like really invest a lot of time and energy in someone. They want to have fun with a lot of different people at one time. There's women that are like that too. No-transcript, if that's what I want and that's what I'm going to do, knock myself out. But if that's not where I want, or not what I'm going to do, I'm not going that direction. If I'm not feeling it, I don't go that direction.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:You're plain and simple.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So that's my thought process on it.
Speaker 1:That's where the standards kick in.
Speaker 2:That is exactly where they kick in, yeah, yeah. And so I think women in general we need to be if we're talking dating and we're talking anything else, we really need to think about what is important to us and not deviating from that. It's not that you're being stubborn or that you're being unreasonable. You just have things that are deal breakers, if you will. Standards in a lot of ways are deal breakers that are important to you that you're not going to deviate from, and so if people that you're around don't necessarily feel the same way, then they're probably not going to be in your life so bad teeth are a deal breaker.
Speaker 2:Well, that's a very shallow way, but no, I mean people can fix their teeth right, but it kind of. I know it sounded really awful but I know. I mean, I'm the same, I probably wouldn't, I honestly probably wouldn't give someone a lot of time and attention if I felt like they didn't take care of their teeth. What else are they not taking?
Speaker 1:care of. That's how I look at it. Rick's got a dynamic smile.
Speaker 2:He's got great teeth, I know so.
Speaker 1:I mean, it's definitely a thing for sure.
Speaker 2:My friend that I had oh, I got to tell you about that little speakeasy thing too had dinner and stuff with last night. Oh my God, that smile is, like you know, money.
Speaker 1:Let me put my shades on for a minute. Yeah, that smile is money.
Speaker 2:So very important, but it's like I probably wouldn't be spending time, but I didn't like what I was looking at.
Speaker 1:So yeah, you kind of.
Speaker 2:Look at that, I get it, it's not being shallow I get it. Yeah, but there are shallow things like you hear, like people, like men I'm saying men, you hear women too. It's like you've heard me say it before. It's like I really don't want someone that has a big beer belly. I really don't want to be. But then again I'm dating guys that are like that and I'm like they're really cool guys and it's like I just kind of forgot about the belly I like the dad bod.
Speaker 1:You like the dad bod? I do like the dad bod. Yeah, yeah, I think it's a bare belly, but you know, there is a dad bod kind of a thing.
Speaker 2:Be proud of the dad bod.
Speaker 1:I like the dad bod.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, anyway, and the dad bod works for some people but not for everybody. It depends on their vibe, right, yeah, yeah, vibe right, yeah, yeah. But I also don't want a gym tan laundry dude either. You know the gtl dude, I wonder.
Speaker 1:I always hear that term dad bod. Do you ever? Have you ever heard the term mom bod? I I have never. I saw. I'm genuinely wondering have you ever heard that I've never heard that term before.
Speaker 2:But when I hear mom bod, I hear I hear, you know, like someone who isn't taking care of themselves. But when you hear about a dad bod, I just hear like a guy that doesn't really give a shit and he's OK.
Speaker 1:Dad bod.
Speaker 2:He's like an average dude, really. Yeah, that's what I think of. Oh, I don't. What do you think?
Speaker 1:of. I mean just dad bod is. I don't know really what I I mean. A dad bod is just, you know that middle-aged guy that's got a dad bod. Does he walk funny? No, he doesn't walk funny, but you know.
Speaker 2:Does he have a cane?
Speaker 1:No, he's just not all you know, like in the gym every day, like working out and trying to pump that iron, but they're fit and they're attractive and they're just like distinguished, getting on in years, kind of a gentleman.
Speaker 2:Like a silver fox. That's to me. Well, I mean, yeah, if he has hair.
Speaker 1:But you know, you hear about dad jokes, dad bods.
Speaker 2:It just made me think I don't really hear that stuff about moms no, you don't, but there are, it's like I've seen where men who are not like all that in a bag of chips, yeah, these very specific expectations about these women that they want to date. I'm like dude, that girl is way out of your league. Way out of your league, buddy, so far out of your league you can't even see her you know, but maybe he has a really good personality and maybe she's not, so who knows, right, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so anyway. So this is the reason why we were wanting, or why I wanted, to talk about this is because it seems like it's come up a lot recently.
Speaker 2:More because I'm like my word again. Going back to my word, my word last year was intention. My word this year is listen, and so I'm intentionally listening to a lot of things that are coming my way, combining both years. I'm combining them yeah, it's like a duel, because, because I'm just paying much closer attention, because it's not what I'm listening to is necessarily what I'm hearing, and when I hear things that sound to me kind of like something is being potentially pushed on me that I'm not comfortable with, that's where I and it's not like I'm overly sensitive or anything- I'm pretty we've talked about that I'm reasonably easygoing, but there's some things where I'm just kind of like tilting my head, getting a little side eye, whatever going.
Speaker 2:yeah, I'm not feeling that.
Speaker 1:Whatever it might be. Well, and I think too, as we do get on in years, we're getting on in years right the standard things. I mean you kind of don't give a shit anymore what people think.
Speaker 2:No, that's really important to say yeah.
Speaker 1:And you see that a lot. I have no shits left to give Zero fucks, as you will. I hear that a lot too, right, yeah, and it's because I think we have lived a life of expectations being put on us and trying to live up to those expectations, and it's freaking exhausting sometimes, and it can be exhausting.
Speaker 1:And then you get to this point and you're like, what's it all? What is all of that? What is that? Why am I doing that? What is all of that? What is that? Why am I doing that? These expectations and really reevaluating what is important to you and yourself and the expectations that are meaningful and that means something to you as a woman, you know, and then the standards kick in with how you're living your life.
Speaker 1:And then the standards kick in with how you're living your life, and you do tend to set these bars that have meaning, you know, and those expectations that others are putting on you. There's a time and a place. I think the workplace ones are important. Yeah, for me, I mean, those are things that matter in how I perform and that seems more black and white to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, those are things that are important to me in how I'm performing in that environment. And then there's things, though, that carry over and how you're performing in life in general, Like how am I doing now in? Life and evaluating those things and I have I mean, maybe that should be my word this year is expectations. I have like put quite a few expectations into play for myself this year and you know it's going to Do.
Speaker 2:You feel like the expectations you're putting in for yourself are reasonable. They're reasonable. Can you give us a couple examples, well?
Speaker 1:an example is my financial situation and really getting things. It's not out of control, but really focusing on it and intentionally getting to a place to where I can think about doing some other things financially, because I've spent so much of my time over the last 10 years just like scrappily, getting through and figuring everything out and, just like you know, making things happen. However I can, I always do that, I'm good at it. It's what I have always done, even when I was married. Right so, but now really focusing in a different way why I have those expectations? Because of other things that I'm trying to accomplish you know, so yeah, it just kind of changes a little bit.
Speaker 1:It has for me anyways.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, when we talk about like, originally when we were starting I was saying are we talking about dating? Are we talking about family, are we talking about work? And you know we could talk about like just in general, as women, you know the expectations that we not only place on ourselves but we have placed upon us. Men have the same. They have expectations placed on them by society as well.
Speaker 1:Sure, they sure do.
Speaker 2:It's not just women, but I think we have to be very, very strong in a lot of ways, and sometimes I just don't feel like being so strong yeah.
Speaker 1:You know and you know what. That's okay. I know we do not have to be, and you know, what? That's okay, I know.
Speaker 2:We do not have to be. I think we can get into this a little further on another episode where we can dive into the expectations versus standards on a given topic you know, like how you dress or how you're raising your children.
Speaker 1:You know it's like lots of different things there. I mean standards come into play there for sure, Like what you're saying. I mean standards come into play there for sure, like, like what you're saying, I mean, think about that for a second, and I know we're like wrapping it up, but it just made me think of a whole other aspect of societal expectations on women in regard to how they dress. Yeah, that's when that was kind of coming to mind, and you know how that ties into standards, right?
Speaker 2:And you know how that ties into standards, right, I can say, though, going back to the whole dating thing, because that's obviously very forefront on my mind, establishing whatever your standards are, or determining what they are, makes a difference, because you are. How do I say this?
Speaker 1:I said you are what you eat, but that's, I know. I was just thinking you are what you eat.
Speaker 2:No, you are a reflection of the people that's. I know that I was just thinking. You are what you know. You are a reflection of the people that you surround yourself with.
Speaker 1:That's what really what I was trying to say guilty by association.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so if you're surrounding yourself all the time, you surround yourself with people who have, you know, poor morals, or when I say that sounded really judgmental when I say, when you surround yourself with people that have morals that are different than yours, okay, or that are not really in depth with the things that are important to them, or they don't communicate the way you feel that you want to be communicated with, or they're, you know, involved in things that are unsavory. You know, whatever the case may be, you hang out with those people. Yep, you are a reflection of the things that they're doing too Guilty by association.
Speaker 2:That's definitely been another kind of another thing that I've put a lot of thought into.
Speaker 1:Do you think it's possible to separate from?
Speaker 2:that? What do you mean Separate?
Speaker 1:Well, I just think about, like I say, that whole term guilty by association you know what do you mean Separate an unsavory crowd, because you kind of like the vibe and I think younger generation teenagers go through this a lot you know they hang out with.
Speaker 1:You know, like the bad kids quote, unquote, the stoners you know, hey, who are you calling a stoner? So the stoners and the ones getting high and you're drinking on the weekends, and they might not be, but they turn out to be really good kids. Just because I'm hanging out with the mom doesn't mean that I'm doing it Right, and you can fast forward that into adulthood too, you know. So here's a great example. Like you know, you're hanging out with women that are entertaining married men, and you know, doing things like that doesn't mean that you are. But what does that look like to other people? And I guess that's where the standards come in. Stuff like that matters to me.
Speaker 2:It matters to me too. Yeah, you notice how I'm listening and I'm totally keeping my mouth shut because I know I have so much to say.
Speaker 2:I know, yeah, I know totally keeping my mouth shut because I know it was like I have so much to say. I know, yeah, I know absolutely 100%. We had been, uh, friends with someone. This is a great example friends with someone who, the way she carried herself in regard to men and how she it was, it was freaking embarrassing to me. It was kind of like, yeah, it's a whole new level of just like, pick me girl. You know, I don't want to be around people like that. I don't want to be around women who will throw the other woman under the bus.
Speaker 2:I don't want to be around women who are not going to tell you if lipstick is on your tooth. Right, Because they're not girls girls, and they're not people that I'm really interested in being friends with. So, to your point, you know we have standards for things like friendships, standards for things like.
Speaker 2:I have standards for how I dress. Unless I'm going to Vegas, I have standards for things. What happens in Vegas does stay in Vegas. Totally joking, I'm totally joking. We went to Vegas three times last year. That's all I'm going to say, but there are. There are things that I'm just like there's no way in hell I would deviate from.
Speaker 1:But see, that's the thing, like going to Vegas with somebody that has those standards like we were just talking about, then you always got to be on guard and on point, paying attention. Where are they now, what are they doing, and all of those things, whether you're in Vegas or anywhere.
Speaker 2:Do you know what I'm saying? That was really a joke. It was more of a joke. We didn't do anything horrible in Vegas and we all have the same standards. That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:So really in all relationships I know we've been talking about life and marriage and dating, but even friendships there are those standards that come into play, because it is a representation of who you are as a person. It really is and it does matter, and I don't care if that sounds old, that's a fact, I don't think that sounds old at all I think that's a very mature thing.
Speaker 2:You hopefully start seeing people figure those things out early enough to where they're not creating these horrible situations for themselves. You know they're around people that are people that add value to their life and that they can add value to that person's life, right so?
Speaker 1:we need not try to save them. We need not try to save them. We can try to support and give them somewhat of what they need, which is kind of what we were doing for a while with that one person. But then it comes to a point just like anything whether it's an addiction or whatever else people want to, they need to have to want things for themselves to try to course correct if you will.
Speaker 1:And some people that it doesn't matter to, then that's very telling too no judgment. It is what it is. You do you boo, and we'll do us in just a totally different way.
Speaker 2:But I got to admit it has been kind of fun to take a little walk on the dark side here and there on occasion, just kind of like observe. What do you mean? Just dating, like, just like people that are totally different than I grew up, or whatever you know, and choosing for myself, that that's not the direction I'm going to go.
Speaker 1:I think using the term the dark side is very interesting. No pun intended. Anyway on that note, you can find us out on the socials. We hope you like our new little podcast platform on these comfy couches.
Speaker 2:This is what Michelle will give her microphone Viagra next time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we will, because it's not cooperating and I can't quite figure it out, but we will. So do you have a ring the bell?
Speaker 2:I, oh my goodness, yeah, we got to do the ring the bell. I don't know what she's got planned.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I do have a ring the bell.
Speaker 2:So ring the bell, you guys is a segment where we just like throw a question out there, yeah, and then we answer it, and then you guys are more than willing and or maybe not willing, but more than able to drop your comments on Instagram or YouTube or whatever you know and whatever social platform you love.
Speaker 1:Oh, tiktok, because it's back for a while. Yeah, the question I have is is it worth spending money on a luxury item? That's very broad and it could be anything, and I have a feeling that when I say that and ask that question immediately because I know I am I'm thinking of shoes and handbag, clothes. That kind of thing Could be a car, could be anything. Is it worth spending the money that you can end up spending on a luxury item? Why don't you answer that question first? I think that luxury items are fun and they are just that luxury. I don't know that in all cases, that it is necessary, but I don't even know that it's worth it. I don't think that it is. There are some things yes, cars like if I'm thinking of a luxury car probably worth whatever the money is, except for those weird Tesla truck things.
Speaker 2:I don't know what they are. Those are the scariest looking Mad Max cars.
Speaker 1:I've ever seen.
Speaker 2:I can't think of what it's called, and they probably cost a shitload of money.
Speaker 1:Oh they're the ugliest things ever they do. But I'm okay with having the Chanel knockoff, I'm okay with having the. Chanel knockoff. I don't need to spend $2,000 Chanel bag when I can carry around the knockoff and keep people wondering. They don't know if it's a knockoff or not, and if it doesn't matter to me, who the hell cares. I'm going to spend the $25 at TJ Maxx to get the Chanel knockoff one that looks like it. They have Chanel knockoffs at TJ Maxx to get the Chanel knockoff one that looks like it.
Speaker 2:They have Chanel knockoffs at TJ Maxx.
Speaker 1:It doesn't have the double C's and all of that. But you know the quilted little handbag thing that's a little crossbody that looks like a Chanel, you know you can find them at Nordstrom, you can find them at TJ Maxx, you can find them like anywhere. And you know you can spend $ 30, $40 instead of you know 2,500 and I'm okay with that. I don't. I don't need the, the, the double C's that when you bite them you break your tooth, cause it's real. Yeah, doesn't matter to me.
Speaker 2:Okay, I, um, I'm slightly in a pit, I'm slightly so. To me it's kind of like well, what I do for work, obviously. So my car is usually going to be something that is nicer. It's going to be a nice car Doesn't have to be, but that's my preference, that's the way I like it, and I like nice things.
Speaker 2:I like it. Can you tell the teal is kicking in, okay? Anyways, I like nice things, but it's not like I don't have things that are like I'm an Amazon hoe, like I love shopping on Amazon, and it's like there's no, it's not a name brand thing, but I might get t-shirts or get whatever you know, but I like I have a couple knockoff things that I love, but I have other ones that are real you have like legitimate knockoffs, though, can we just talk about your knockoffs for a second.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like when we went out for a drink for your birthday. Yeah, were those Gucci's, those like. See, I'm the one that she keeps wondering what were they. She's got me wondering they're like tennis shoes that look like Gucci.
Speaker 2:Oh they are. They said they're certified, they're real. I mean they came in a Gucci box that came in everything you know. But I mean I don't know, I didn't pay $800 for them.
Speaker 1:See, yeah, she's got the legitimate, I got the hook, man, yeah, you do. But I've got my crossbody and I'm totally down for that. Totally down for that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then it definitely costs more than you know. Like a regular, whatever I wouldn't. Honestly I wouldn't even buy it if it didn't look good, but I know, but I've got like, I've got my Louboutins, I've got my like I've got little things. I've got my, my Louis Vuitton bag, I've got my little fun things that I like. I like my little fun things.
Speaker 2:I know I do but I would never be the person who would like wear a Chanel. I don't like having like all of the? Um. I would never be the person who would like wear a Chanel. I don't like having like all of the.
Speaker 1:I would never wear that stuff on my body where I've got a shirt that has all Gucci. All the a sudden, we're just talking designer, which are luxury items.
Speaker 2:I get that.
Speaker 1:I was talking designer. That's what I was thinking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, same same, but nice things like this beautiful sweater is cashmere and I love it and it's like it's a Nordstrom brand sweater. It's not a designer sweater, but I would consider this a very pretty luxury item. Yeah, for sure, and I will take very good care of it because I want it to last. But when you buy things that are good quality things, I would prefer to buy less of them and buy better quality and have less things.
Speaker 1:You know what this is so interesting? Because you can totally tell that in your closet, because there's not a lot in there and if you take her closet, if you were to put Jewel's closet and my closet side by side, I have a million things.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God.
Speaker 1:I have a lot of things, but none of them are luxury items or designer. Julie has less things but they're like designer things.
Speaker 2:We call them investments or statement pieces.
Speaker 1:Investment pieces, yeah, investment pieces, yeah, investment pieces, and I'm all about that, but part of that comes from where we worked you know yeah.
Speaker 2:Because I never. Honestly, it's like if I had worked somewhere else, I maybe wouldn't even know about it.
Speaker 1:So here's and here's my standard of designer. I used to. I used to work with a guy, this guy.
Speaker 2:Don't say coach.
Speaker 1:Please don't say coach, no, I used to work with this. He's like Michelle, I just like you just need to buy one designer thing. Because I'm not, I'm just not that person, right, I'm just not. And he just always was really dying to get me to buy one designer piece. And so I, like, went out on a limb once and bought a Kate's that's not a designer like for me to spend what I did on this kit because it was a bigger.
Speaker 1:It was a big like you know carry bag and you know it was leather and for me to spend what I did on that.
Speaker 2:To me that was designer but honestly some of the luxury stuff is kind of shit. The quality of it is like some of it's kind of shit. So I just think it depends. It's like some of it's really kind of bold and like flashy. I don't like that I like more simplistic. I like more classy pieces, things like that.
Speaker 1:Do you like those Gucci tennis shoes? I might have to see where you got those and check that out. Hey, I got the hookup and I will hook you up.
Speaker 2:Julie, just remember that everybody will hook you up. Richard in China, I think. Oh, there you go. I don't know. His name is Richard. Okay, I'm sure people will be DMing me for my hookup. There you go, yeah. Anyway, thanks everyone for joining us today in our almost newly renovated podcast studio and we appreciate your time and we will be back with you next week?
Speaker 1:Yes, we will. Until then, bye everybody, bye.