A Blonde A Brunette and a Mic
Look forward to time with these two women who have life experience and something to say! Join us each week as we dive into topics that may be raw, unfiltered, funny and even a little controversial. Whatever we discuss will give you our perspective, get you thinking and will keep you coming back for more!
A Blonde A Brunette and a Mic
Season 2 Episode 95 - Navigating Social Dislike
Can navigating post-election family dynamics really be as challenging as it seems? We open with a personal story about how recent election outcomes have sparked mixed emotions and impacted our conversations, particularly with our son who has grown more conservative since his move to Texas. Shifting gears, we share the joy of celebrating Eileen's milestone birthday with an unforgettable night at an Usher concert, complete with some impressive dance moves that lightened the mood. This journey through personal stories sets the stage for our exploration of the subtleties of human interactions and the complex signals people send when they aren't fond of you.
Our exploration of dislike in social settings uncovers the subtle cues people exhibit, such as backhanded compliments and passive-aggressive comments. We offer strategies to manage these tricky dynamics, particularly in professional environments where continued interaction is unavoidable. From our own experiences, we highlight the delicate dance of choosing when to invest emotional energy into changing perceptions and when to walk away. We also tackle the infamous "Karen" phenomenon, considering how even the nicest people can exhibit these tendencies and why it's crucial to understand varying perspectives without hostility.
Gossip and its detrimental effects come into sharp focus as we discuss how rumors circulate and the importance of confronting gossip directly. Insights from personal stories reveal the role of influential individuals in breaking the ice and the discomfort of feeling excluded. We share tips on recognizing genuine support versus insincerity and emphasize the importance of trusting your instincts when assessing other people's intentions. Wrapping up with a humorous anecdote about an impromptu car purchase, we underscore the value of forgiveness for personal growth and the lighter side of life.
Hey everybody. This is Michelle and this is Julie. Welcome to a blonde, a brunette and a mic podcast. What is our podcast all about, you ask?
Speaker 2:Well, we're 250 something.
Speaker 1:Women with life experience and oh bloody to say, which is exactly what we're gonna do right now. Okay, michelle, now.
Speaker 2:Okay, michelle, here we are in November and the election is over, it is post election and we had said and I think it was the last episode that I thought the outcome would be a little bit different. Michelle, we all need to follow Michelle's instincts, because she was right.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, I mean not that I wanted to be right, I just had that gut feeling you know, yeah.
Speaker 2:So anyway, we're not going to get into anything, because I've been so forlorn and just sad and ever since election day I have not had the on, I have not listened to any kind of news, yeah Radio. I have been avoiding social media because I just don't want to fucking talk about it.
Speaker 1:Well, there you go, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but on a side note, my lovely son, who moved to Texas, albeit in Austin, has become a little bit more of a conservative, against his better judgment, and start sending me all this shit and I'm like you know what I really mean it, I can't, I just I can't, I'm not going to talk about it with you, I'm not going to discuss it, nothing, we're not going to do it. And he finally got the message and stopped and stopped. Yeah, because I was just like I just, I just can't. I mean, I, I'm just not going to have, I just can't, I, I'm, I'm speechless, and that doesn't happen very often.
Speaker 2:So I think we're just going to bury our head in the sand for the next four years and hope for the best and think about all the positive things out there in the world and pray for the people in Ukraine and, uh, pray, pray for all the people that are in the world. And pray for the people in Ukraine and pray for all the people that are in the Middle East. Don't pray for Russia, oh God, that was not very Christian. Pray for something to happen, never mind, I'm not even going to say that on a podcast.
Speaker 1:I just choose to focus on the things I can control, and that is the things that I do in my every day life. So let me ask you this through in a positive direction, okay.
Speaker 2:And it's a little Pollyanna of us really to be talking like that, but it's true. That's what I choose, that's what I choose, what you choose to, so we're just going to go with it. Yeah, so instead we just go get crazy for eileen's birthday oh yeah, we could talk about that for a minute yeah, her milestone birthday and got all decked and stayed at the w downtown and went and saw usher.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, you guys, it was such a good show. Such a good show. It was. Yeah, and I was. I was talking to a friend of mine, I was. I sent him um one of the videos and of the girls that were um on the polls oh yeah, oh yeah, he liked that.
Speaker 2:Good lord, he was damn. Look at that booty clapping going on there. I'm like, yeah, I cannot do that, I wouldn't try even. But I'm like you're do? They're booty clapping? And they're doing it when they're in the splits, hands in the pants and booty clapping. There was a little bit of that going on, yeah, and some, you know some usher abs and everything, so it was it was a good night.
Speaker 1:The fur coat that he wears, just all the songs and yeah, and we knew everything. It was so fun, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think a lot of the audience was the same way. There was a girl sitting next to a girl sitting to the left me. I was me, and then Eileen and then you. We had an Eileen sandwich because it was her birthday. And this girl is from Portland and she was 24 and she was with her mom, who was around the same age as us, and then her aunt Right. That girl and I were jamming and singing all the songs together, the 24 year old 24 year old.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, we were jamming away making all the faces at each other. It was hilarious, so, and she knew every one of them too. So obviously her mom is you know, her mom knew all the songs too, Well, anyway, well, we, we liked that girl and we liked Usher.
Speaker 2:But I have to ask you it's like when someone doesn't like you, michelle, which I can't even imagine who that might be I can think of a couple people. No, no, no, doesn't happen ever. But there's people that there's one person in particular I can think of, that was like just didn't like Michelle. Oh, that's right and we're looking at her going. Why that's right? Why would you not like?
Speaker 1:Michelle, yeah, she's amazing.
Speaker 2:I mean not, that I am but no, stop it.
Speaker 1:You are so, but yeah, she, she did not feel the Michelle vibe?
Speaker 2:She did not, but she always wanted your empath knowledge. Yeah, she did. She wanted some of the questions that she would ask you.
Speaker 1:Well, just just about the. She would ask me. You know she was seeing this guy, and so she would ask me questions and he would disappear and then come back and disappear. You know she was seeing this guy, and so she would ask me questions and he would disappear and then come back and disappear, you know and just that whole game. And so then she would ask me what his intentions were Like you're going to be able to tell her like.
Speaker 2:I mean yeah, like.
Speaker 1:I'm going to be, but I mean, I think, I think the writings on the wall. Yeah, writing is on the wall breadcrumb in the hell out of you. There were plenty of things on the wall, yeah writing is on the wall, breadcrumbing the hell out of you. There were plenty of things on the wall, but yeah, so, and I think that's part of the reason is I didn't really give her feedback, so she wanted to hear yeah, that's very possible.
Speaker 2:So, but I I run across a lot more people that don't care for me do you?
Speaker 2:now I do, and it's okay. You know it's like I can't get upset about it and you know I'm not for everybody. Just like you know, you, it's like I can't get upset about it and you know I'm not for everybody, just like you know you're not for everybody, and nobody is, nobody is exactly. I might not, I might be for less people. I'm totally like clowning myself today, just because it's kind of I'd laugh about it, because it's kind of funny. It's true, though, there's people that I run across where I'm just like, oh, they just do not like me, they're just mean.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, they ignore me or they're.
Speaker 1:You know, they kind of like talk around you or you can definitely tell and this is just a general statement, not in regard to you, but and I don't know if it's because of my intuitive nature but I can definitely tell when somebody is not jamming with somebody else. Oh yeah, whether it's in a social setting, in a conversation, pretty quickly I can tell. But there are signs, you know, there's things that you can. You can tell in situations like that people are.
Speaker 2:So we want to share a little bit with you guys today about what some of those signs? Now I'm thinking the vast majority of us would have an inkling if they were running around and they saw that they could feel you could feel it yeah someone doesn't really care for you.
Speaker 2:I mean, I can think of my uh well, we'll get into some of these but I can think of my ex-sister-in-law thank god she's my ex-sister-in-law, but my ex-sister-in-law Thank God she's my ex-sister-in-law, but my ex-sister-in-law. And she did exactly this. She would keep everything super high level, would not let anybody really get having a conversation with her that would be of any depth or meaning. It was all very superficial and it was pretty evident.
Speaker 1:She didn't like me.
Speaker 2:Even though I'm the one introduced her. Was she like that in general? Um, I think she just was kind of bitchy, honestly. I mean I just wanted him to get laid. I really was not thinking he was going to marry the girl.
Speaker 1:You think I'm joking no, I can tell you're serious, I'm dead serious.
Speaker 2:She's a nice girl but boy oh boy, things kind of changed once once they got married. But yeah, I just remember a lot of those little, just those, I don't know just very indifferent, and things like that. But we'll get into that a little bit later. We were going to say that there are some signs and things that we are going to share with you guys today, and then you can kind of gauge where you're at, and I think the caveat to all of this is sometimes we just don't give a shit if someone likes us or not.
Speaker 2:Well, we shouldn't yeah, I mean well there might be some people that are important in your life or your family's life, or whatever that that you want to have a good working relationship with or that you want to be um civil with.
Speaker 2:I guess you could say and you can do all those things, but when you're dealing with someone who has tendencies that will make you feel uncomfortable, whether it be in a social setting or whether it be at work or whatever you know, you have to kind of take pause with that and wonder how much energy you're willing to put into a potential, not even a relationship, but like a, an acquaintance, and is it really worthwhile to do that yeah and I I would think it would be if you have to see that person all the time you know, like at family events or things.
Speaker 1:But or at work. I mean, there are those situations. So these what we're talking about, uh, you can guess because we've somewhat mentioned it, but behaviors of someone that maybe secretly dislikes you.
Speaker 2:Before we kind of get into some of those behaviors, do you think that it would be important to figure out how to switch someone's perception of you?
Speaker 1:perception of you. I don't. I can think of some work situations where I put in effort not to change somebody's mind about me but to try to figure them out.
Speaker 1:I almost flip it and look at it like not that it's them, but in a way, if they're, if they're well, and this is like if somebody's kind of friendly, they're just just like we're talking about, it's like you can tell that they're you're really not their favorite person. So they're friendly to you, they're nice to you, but you can tell that they really don't prefer to do any of that with you, right? So so I I take it as a challenge to try to dig in a little bit.
Speaker 2:If it's worthwhile, if it's worthwhile, um, and what would deem it worthwhile in your mind?
Speaker 1:Well, somebody this I can think of a work situation, so somebody that I work with and that I'm going to see every day. So I deem that worthwhile because I'm there eight hours a day. Yeah, you know, you're kind of stuck with that person whether you like it or not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that's the kind of the difference between, I think, maturity and establishing a business rapport versus a personal rapport. You know you can have. You can have both business and personal rapport. You know if you don't, if you don't care for somebody, you certainly can still have a business type relationship with them, as long as everybody's on the same page and you all have a common goal of getting something achieved. You know you're not trying to undermine someone, for example, or someone's trying to undermine you.
Speaker 2:But a lot of that goes back to whether you trust them or not to be able to do. You know, do the things that they need to do, like in a work environment.
Speaker 1:Well, and that's where, whether it's a work environment or anything else, you have to know where to spend your energy. You kind of have to gauge that and not divulge too much to somebody that you can sense isn't trustworthy. One of those things, the behaviors we were talking about. One of them is backhanded compliments right. If somebody were to give you a backhanded compliment, are you going to really seek that out or go out of your way to get that from somebody that you know doesn't really appreciate who you are in the first place?
Speaker 2:Probably not. Let's just say you get this backhanded compliment from somebody that's like oh my gosh, you look so good for a change. What have you done? Yeah, something like that. So the the words here, the disqualifying words you know for a change? Are what's added into that statement to be oh, you look so good for a change, which would imply that you look like shit most of the time, right? Is that something that you would call somebody on? How would you respond to something like that?
Speaker 1:Well, it would depend on the relationship that I have with the person.
Speaker 2:If.
Speaker 1:I knew him well enough I would say for a change to imply. What are you implying by that? I probably would call that out good, but if it's somebody that I don't again deem putting the time and energy into, I'd probably just let it slide. I'd probably just let it slide because why? Why am I gonna put my energy into that?
Speaker 2:I do understand what you're saying, and I absolutely agree, I'm not going to feed that. Well see, my first inclination would be that's not a very nice thing to say.
Speaker 1:Right, I mean, which is exactly?
Speaker 2:why I wouldn't feed it. Yeah, no, no, no, no, I'm saying if someone said that to me, I would be like that's not a very nice thing to say, or gosh, it was a compliment, until you threw the back part in there, you know.
Speaker 2:Or I would probably respond in some snappy way like that I know me or you know some sarcastic way, and I don't know that that's necessarily the way to respond, but the moment you don't say anything or do anything, the backhanded compliments continue and then they start going into, they start being said to other people about you.
Speaker 2:And you don't have any control over that, nor do you necessarily care, because of other people are going to listen. They're probably not your friends anyway, you know, but I think sometimes just calling out that backhanded behavior is not such a bad thing to do, and there's very gracious ways to do it to put people in their place.
Speaker 1:I just I couldn't imagine, I mean I don't know that I I can't really think of somebody I have in my life that's like that or that would do that Well we choose not to have people like that in our lives.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean that's yeah, I don't know, I just that's not, that's not really nice, Like a couple podcasts ago, a couple episodes ago, we were talking about I don't even remember what the topic was, but I was mentioning how I had this like sweet wardrobe. It was like after I'd had Jared lost all this weight.
Speaker 1:I was just darling clothes.
Speaker 2:I had the cutest outfits. I'm saying this now because I kind of laugh about it. It was so much fun to go shopping for those. Anyway, there was a woman who was in my life and she was yeah, you were talking about that whole look me upside down, the other kind of the critical thing and then was talking shit about me when I was gone. Yeah, and so I would get. And I knew that only because it had come up when I had run across some other people who kind of implied I didn't know.
Speaker 2:And then it was like now I'm feeling super uncomfortable because I'm just not going to change until after, like I'm going to go over my sweats and drop off my kid, and then you know, and then go back and change. I mean, that's how I felt. I didn't do it, but right, but that's how I felt crazy yeah, but that was somebody, but I never.
Speaker 1:I never called her on it.
Speaker 2:I never called her on it. Well, that's probably why. Well, no, I mean I didn't want to create problems, right, because she was watching after my child. Yeah, you know, and I didn't want to create any animosity or anything but but. I think she did it to everybody. It wasn't just me, so it's not like I was special. That's one thing you don't necessarily want to be special on, right.
Speaker 1:And you know it can be situational with different people, because also I think sometimes it can be insecurities that people have with their own selves.
Speaker 2:Actually, that's a really good point.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, so it can be. This is an interesting topic when you look at it that way, because there are, you know, the behaviors of people that secretly dislike you. But why do they secretly you know what is it about you that they secretly dislike to you know have them behave in this way?
Speaker 2:I think a lot of it's jealousy, jealousy and insecurities.
Speaker 1:Insecurities that they have with things in their life, people in their life and situations in their life.
Speaker 2:So yeah, like she didn't have any leather pants that she was wearing during the day.
Speaker 1:While she was watching kids.
Speaker 2:I got to wear leather pants to work, you know. I mean I worked in a fashion industry.
Speaker 1:It was okay. Do you ever notice sometimes people can be too polite also? Oh yeah, when maybe they don't have a particular fondness of you?
Speaker 2:Well, I've run across that before. When you have people that are in authoritarian type positions, you know, like bosses or things like that, that are very, not very nice, you know they might not be very nice and so the people that work for them will respond in a cold, forced, more distant, maybe unnatural kind of way say sounds good.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much, I will get on that oh, you know that sort of thing where you know they're being professional, they're not going to professionally polite exactly but I've also seen you know, you see that, with people that are being karen'd in a store, you know that have to deal with people that are being really, really awful to them. Yeah, you know, they're true, holding their own, in that they're being professional and not being rude or anything like that, as you're saying.
Speaker 1:That it makes me think that really all these behaviors don't necessarily have to do with personal relationships or somebody that you know, hence what you just described somebody being karen'd in a yeah store in a customer service situation that karen, the karen person might be actually a really nice person.
Speaker 2:You, okay, more than likely, is a very, really nice person.
Speaker 1:I just say I was just sitting here thinking no, no, shade on the karens that really have the name karen, we love you.
Speaker 2:We love all the karens out there and and the karens the names karen.
Speaker 1:Yeah, not when you act like Karen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, here's the deal. It's like when people are behaving that way, it's like all you see is that side of their personality you don't see. You see the frustration. You see where they obviously don't feel like they're being heard. Right. They're being unreasonable. They, they feel entitled. There's all these different things about them. That kind of rear their ugly head to some perfect stranger that's got to deal with them, and so naturally you're going to go God, that person's kind of a jerk, but maybe they're not a jerk in real life, I mean.
Speaker 1:I Karen sometimes.
Speaker 2:You don't really do that, but just gently Karen.
Speaker 1:I gently Karen. Rick called me out on it that one time when I was at the gym. Who called you out, rick? Oh, he did.
Speaker 2:What did you do?
Speaker 1:It was just what we're talking about A customer service type situation and I was kind of going to battle because I knew that what I was asking for wasn't out of the question in regard to a service standpoint, having been a member there for a long time, and he was just going by the rules, which I completely understand. But Rick, he was like he kind of was like it's okay, like he just he just kind of minimized it.
Speaker 1:Yep, took care of what we needed to take care of. And then when I was in the car afterwards the car afterwards I asked him. I was like, was I was a little bit of a Karen there, wasn't I?
Speaker 2:and he just kind of smiled you know it's like you're drawing attention because he didn't like that, you know, and to your point, though.
Speaker 1:I mean, I'm a nice person, just like that's. I guess that's why I told that story. Is you know people that are? Doing that people that are doing that. You're right, they're not necessarily like that all the time. I think the examples we see on social media they're like that all the time. They're like they live in color true Karens that are ridiculously vocal and obnoxious all the time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so, and I have no desire, you know, to be around people like that, but we call it in our world, in our real estate world or whatever.
Speaker 2:It's like, mary, you know we say oh, she's gonna go Mary Thomas on them, and that was like oh, you don't mess with Mary Thomas, you know, because Mary Thomas don't play that. You know little head roll kind of a thing, or it's like or I'm gonna go Julie Krause on them, you know little head roll kind of a thing, or it's like or I'm going to go Julie Krause on them, you know kind of a thing, because I'm like there's some things that you get, and it's not about being a Karen, it's more about trying to get someone to understand things from a different perspective, and so you'll get a lot of the.
Speaker 2:It's harder to do nowadays. It is, it is, and I don't necessarily think you need to do that with a lot of venom in your voice. Okay, well, I did do a little Karen thing, though, and I don't like this man. That was my neighbor, remember.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, the trees. Yeah, you did.
Speaker 2:I did mention about the tree. I totally went Karen on him. Yeah, you did. And then looked at my shirt and it said, be kind, it's not that hard. And I went Shit, I think I need to zip up my jacket and I walked away. I wanted to smack that man. He was so smug Of course I didn't get near enough to him to smack him. But, side note, she did call him the D word I did. I said no, I said that was kind of a dick move. Yeah, that's what I said, what he were. He called and reported me to the city of Shoreline. You know I have PTSD over because of my house, but I'm just like, yeah, that was kind of a dick move. I was like, who does that?
Speaker 2:I think, that's why our world is the way that it is now, because of people like you. You know when, really, I should have just gotten a permit and done it the right way to begin with.
Speaker 1:Well, you know, whatever that's me.
Speaker 2:That wouldn't have been the Julie way. I know well, I it's okay. It probably cost me less to get the fine than it did for the permit, there you go. So it is what it is at this point, um, but yeah, being, I think, too polite sometimes, it you know that there's all these undercurrents of their thought process behind whatever it is that they're, you know doing.
Speaker 2:So that's just something to kind of think about and, and I would think it's more readily notable, like in a business environment, that's at least where I run across it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when you see someone who has inconsistent behavior, what I've noticed is when you're around people that want to maybe demean another person to make themselves feel better, or they don't like a particular person so they try to embarrass them or call them out. I think the behavior and the things that they say can definitely change depending upon what the audience is Like. If they're in front of people who don't play that, they're not going to be that way, whereas if they're with people who are comfortable with that, maybe do it themselves. They not going to be that way, whereas if they're with people who are comfortable with that, maybe do it themselves. They're going to be much more readily available and more inclined, I guess you could say, to behave that way. So kind of more hot and cold behavior would be an indication, perhaps, that someone just really isn't into being around you.
Speaker 1:So they're only nice to you when certain, certain situations.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, because they have to be, otherwise they look like a jerk Right Like yeah, at the Christmas party or at the whatever at church on Sunday?
Speaker 1:No, nobody's mean at church, that's what I'm saying. They're nice to you at church, but then you run into them at the store and they don't say anything to you yeah that kind of shit or they ignore you, yeah actually that's what I mean.
Speaker 2:Think about that, yeah that's it, or your or your neighbors? That won't, that, won't wave at you. Maybe it's the one that called, called the city on you no I'm just kidding. My neighbors are cool. I've got pretty cool neighbors here.
Speaker 1:Well, this is kind of off topic, but not really. It just made me think of people that don't wave when you're nice to them in traffic. That really bothers me.
Speaker 2:Well, you mean like thank you kind of wave yeah Can they see you through your tinted windows.
Speaker 1:Sure, I'm letting you into traffic, you know. So you can get in the long line that nobody else is letting you, and sure, go in front of me. All I want is a little hand up. Just put your little hand up close to the rear view mirror and I can see that, whether you have tinted windows or not.
Speaker 2:You know I tried to do that and be really nice when I was going down to the Mariners game, yeah, and I literally only had like five cars I had to move over and I only had like five car lengths to get to the light and this car was there and I rolled down my window on the passenger side and I was like, is there a possibility I could get over there? And he goes nope, sorry, I've been waiting for an hour. So I had to go up and around and like way out of my way an extra half an hour because I couldn't get a turn. And I was just like you, asshole, I was so, but that's like road rage.
Speaker 2:I was just like you asshole. I was so, but that's like road rage. White people get road rage. I don't know that man, I'm sure he's why people Not white?
Speaker 1:people. That's what I heard. Oh, white people get road rage. Why, why people? That's why people get road rage. But at least you asked, I did. I asked really nicely. Sometimes people they just they like get in the they like cram themselves in. I don't know how they do it.
Speaker 2:Well, they know that you're not going to hit them so I know, yeah, they put their nose in there and I don't like to do that.
Speaker 1:I think that's kind of rude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it was kind of rude for him to tell me no too and then I just looked at him and went really like seriously, I mean literally one car. So I'm one person, one car, car. I asked nicely, I rolled down the window I say please, this could be a whole episode of road incidents. Road rage, oh my.
Speaker 1:God, road rage incidents, they're like things like that. There's like a ton of them, but I didn't say.
Speaker 2:I didn't say asshole, I didn't do anything like that. I just went, I just shook my head and rolled up my window. Yeah, I didn't say a word after that. Yeah, I didn't flip him the bird.
Speaker 1:No, because you know, around here it's like someone might have a gun in their car or something.
Speaker 2:True, you might be youngster he has a gun on his belt or something Another. This is probably the one that I've been the most guilty of. No Well, I would say I used to be most guilty of. I'm not as bad anymore, but I think a lot of it's growing up with my mom.
Speaker 1:Passive aggressiveness yeah.
Speaker 2:That's a, that's like a been a big term, I would say, in the last five years that really gained popularity and thrown around a lot. I think that comes from people not feeling like they can say what they need to say yeah and be heard yeah I grew up that way too. Yeah, so it's like you make a, you make a funny comment and sometimes literally it's a funny comment.
Speaker 1:I'm I do it, yeah, but you do it with people.
Speaker 2:My name is michelle and I am passive aggressive I don't really think you're no, I don't think you're that passive aggressive.
Speaker 1:No, that's good.
Speaker 2:No, I would say that I have more, but it's really when I don't know how to communicate something that I find myself doing it in that way, and I have to stop myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, you, just when you said that, I thought I think maybe I do that sometimes Communicate just like you were talking about, where you say something jokingly. But communicate just like you were talking about, where you say something jokingly but you're not really joking. But you're not really joking because you're drawing attention to it in a jokingly way, because you don't want to face the consequences of bringing it up in a serious manner or you want to.
Speaker 2:You want to get your point across without it being a controversy or or getting confronted on it or something. Yeah, yeah, I, yeah, I've, I've definitely had my my moments on that, but you know this is part of your own personal growth. Yeah, no, this is part of my personal growth. So I recognize that and that's definitely something like communication style with like relationships and things like that.
Speaker 2:When you don't know what, when you don't know how to communicate something. This is how people do it and they want people to other people to figure out what they mean, and that's not healthy, right? That's not a real healthy way to communicate. So we all have our tendencies and our moments for things like that, but identifying that is important, because it's hard for people to have conversations with someone if they're not being straightforward.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So, anyway, I just told him myself all good. So the thing with that is, I think when people do have and make passive, aggressive comments and jokes, a lot of it has to do with, you know, plausible deniability. It's like, if they get called on, it's like I was just joking. Right, it was just a joke, I didn't mean it that way. Oh, they took it too seriously, or?
Speaker 1:you know, whatever. You hear people saying that you know that it was probably something they shouldn't have been saying, and unless it's like somebody from your inner circle that you know you can be joking with and that will call you on your shit.
Speaker 2:And that will call you on.
Speaker 1:Exactly that is going to call you on your shit for sure. Then that I think in that situation that could be different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but yeah, otherwise Well, I have a, we have a friend, I have a friend. She's a very sweet friend, who I've run across this communication thing with before and you know, it's so interesting how you don't really realize sometimes how you're perceived or that someone else has a different interpretation of, say, a conversation that happened a while ago, that you're that you had had what right, and in this circumstance it's like I was supposed to be going to a game and I was going to be bringing her to the game and it's like I was. The tickets were so expensive. I was just going to sell the tickets and I it's a long story, but anyway I told her that she got really upset with me and then I didn't hear from her again and then I'm like she's mad at me.
Speaker 2:She's obviously mad at me, and so I messaged her. I was like, obviously you're mad at me. I feel really bad. Let's talk about this blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. No-transcript she wouldn't have. She just would have stopped talking to me for a while, and so our relationship isn't as strong or as in depth, I would say, as other people, and so other people I could just say what's going on With?
Speaker 2:her I felt I had to dance around it a little bit because I didn't know how she was going to respond, but overall it turned out great. We were able to have a conversation about it, we were able to put it kind of in the past and I understand what she was thinking, but her immediate response was just to shut down yeah, you know. And so anyway, it was a good learning for me and she's a great person and stuff and someone I value as a friend, so it was important to me that.
Speaker 1:I that I got that clarification and kind of cleared the air with kudos to her for doing it exactly that way.
Speaker 2:Yeah for talking about it and kind of talking it through and I don't know, do you feel like you are good with like forgiveness on things, like when people upset you, and do you feel like you are good with letting things go or do you harbor them? I don't harbor, you don't.
Speaker 1:You feel?
Speaker 2:like you, just kind of bless and release. Yeah See, I think I kind of harbor sometimes. I can't, I can't harbor. I try not to.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean you got to let things go.
Speaker 1:I mean, there's times I'm sure I can't think of anything off the top, but you know, for for the most part I just I work through it on my you know myself and from within, and then I withdraw for a bit and then I let it go yeah.
Speaker 2:That's good though bit, and then I let it go. Yeah, that's good, though that's really good because you don't have things hanging heavy on your heart. It's been like when you you need to forgive somebody. You know, because when you need to forgive somebody, it's really not about them, it's about you. Yeah, because if you don't, you don't move on.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And so sometimes it takes a while to do that, depending upon what has happened you know yeah. But one of the um, one of the things I've run across more, I would say, when maybe we were younger but was the whole idea of gossip and spreading rumors or dropping hints and innuendos about things. You would see where people would kind of like take the story and go with it in their head. There would be rumors about different things, and so they'd get little drops of information and then they'd kind of create their own story.
Speaker 1:That is not good. When that happens, that can be very detrimental. Oh it's huge.
Speaker 2:It's huge, hugely detrimental, yeah. So the one thing to note, though, on that, which I think is really important if you have someone who is gossiping about another person, like say it's a, say they're talking to you, about your friend, you know, I wouldn't just sit there and say, oh yeah, I agree with it. It's like you say you're talking about my friend. If you've got an issue, you need to talk with them, you know, or get this clarified, or whatever the case may be, but when people are wanting information to be able to, to gossip about, you'll find that they're gathering it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, intentionally trying to get information so they can then turn around and share it and use it. Yes, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I've run across that before with people who have been very nice and they just want to get into the details of different things and of course you know you're kind of oblivious to what's going on until you see it happening a lot of different ways or with different people, or they, you know, creating drama everywhere they go. Just stay away from those people because, if they're going to gossip about someone else they're going to be with someone else gossiping about you. Yeah, you know so it's. You know that if that's, it's happening both ways.
Speaker 1:I feel like that happens a lot in work situations especially do you think?
Speaker 2:do you think obviously more with women than men too? Uh, I don't really ever hear men do yeah, but not necessarily.
Speaker 1:I think it could be both really typically, yes, you hear the whole. You know pick a little, talk a little cheap, cheap, cheap, talk a lot, pick a little more, which is you know women gossiping um the chickens. You know pick a little, talk a little, cheap, cheap, cheap, talk a lot. Pick a little more, which is you know women gossiping the chickens. You know the hens, the hens, yeah, and. But you know guys, guys have their share.
Speaker 2:I just don't, I've not really run across that they just don't seem to be as much into drama or getting into all that stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, not as much probably, but I think it's there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, anyway, the moral of this particular item is just to stay away, because, again, if they're gossiping with you, they're gossiping about you, and then they're nice to your face, yeah, pretending like they like you and like they don't know and none of that matters. Yeah, and then they walk away going look at her shoes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like, oh my.
Speaker 2:God, did you see her haircut? You know, there really are women out there like that. There are that actually say it out loud.
Speaker 1:And say it like that yeah, yeah, so you can always tell, and this, yeah, so you know, you can always tell. And this is with people you don't know, so it doesn't really matter. But that just made me think of a club situation, where people like you might be out and you know you're dressed, however, because you're in a club or you're you know whatever, and you can always tell when women are sizing you up and like talking about you. Yeah, right, do you notice that ever oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've run across that and mary has this funny thing that she does. You know, when we've been in different events or social events and things like that, she goes.
Speaker 2:I, I spot who the queen bee is this is like I spot whoever the queen bee is it's the one that's kind of holding court and I beeline into that particular area and I start talking to that person, say, oh my gosh, I love your shoes, where did you get them? And she says it just kind of breaks the ice. Yeah, you know, I think you'd probably you know, with my luck you'd end up with a girl going um, they're Prada and I got them at the Prada store, you know, or something like that.
Speaker 2:I'd be like, oh great, um, but anyway. So yeah, stay away from that kind of stuff. Have you read across someone or situations where you that's good, yeah, that, that I not that I know of being excluded purposefully, um, but have I purposely excluded?
Speaker 1:I mean just that and not to anything particular, but not wanting to be um in a group setting with that person we were talking about earlier, I mean that's, you know so, but as far as an event or something like that, no, I mean, I think there's events and things that take place where you want a certain vibe. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so there might be people that are not necessarily conducive to that.
Speaker 1:Whatever it is you're trying to accomplish, everybody is going to be invited to whatever it is.
Speaker 2:for that very reason, that you damn well be invited to your part. No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1:I have so many of them. For the most part, you know, it's like I'm pretty much at the parties with her, for the most part, not all of them.
Speaker 2:We go to different ones, sometimes together, but yeah, that's another. That's kind of another behavior that you'll run across is that people say, oh, I totally forgot to invite them. Or they make an excuse for why they didn't include them. Or, oh my gosh, I wasn't able to reach them. You know, blah, blah, blah. They don't really make an effort. Right Because they don't want that person there.
Speaker 2:And it could be because they just flat out don't like the person, or it might be really superficial, like something. They don't like the way they dress, or they don't like that they're picking up on their husband. Yeah, that's not really superficial, but I mean I can think of one woman that we know that another friend of mine said I don't want her at our activity, I don't want her at the different events and stuff, because she's coming on to my husband. What?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah really I'm not gonna name who, but yeah, oh yeah, there was very, you know, a little flirtatious activity with the husband kind of a thing and I'm like you have nothing to worry about. But at the same time, right, like really.
Speaker 1:That was really.
Speaker 2:It really did happen, yeah, so I can totally understand why someone might not want Sure.
Speaker 1:A woman who you can't trust around say it kind of goes both ways. You never know a situation, just like you never know back to the Karen people what kind of person she is. You know different situations. Somebody may not be included in something for reasons that we don't even need to know Exactly, so it's. You know there's a sense to where you have to not hold judgment in these situations also because we just don't know all the circumstances yeah, and don't necessarily need to or want to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know we haven't have shit going on on our own.
Speaker 1:To try to figure out than everybody else's right.
Speaker 2:No, thank you do you feel like there have been times when you've avoided personal connections with people because you didn't care for?
Speaker 1:them. Initially it's not this thought in my mind where I don't really care for that person, so I'm not going to try and make a personal connection. But I definitely can sense pretty quickly if I want to be around somebody's energy and for there could be various reasons associated with that Right, good, bad or indifferent, whatever. But if it's, if I'm not feeling a good energy for whatever those reasons are, I just typically will, will not go out of my way and you'll keep it kind of high level.
Speaker 1:I'll keep it pretty high level and again pointing out that those situations, there's underlying reasons. So, where you know, we're pointing all these things out to be mindful of and, in regard to behaviors when somebody might not like you, we're identifying a lot of this, that we are identifying with ourselves and at the same time, big picture, I think we've, just like recently, in the last couple of minutes, have realized to point out that there's underlying reasons for some of this stuff.
Speaker 2:So, to be part of what these behaviors are in itself, we have to be mindful of you know yeah, you definitely could have a perspective or a perception on someone who has maybe maybe you've watched them make passive, aggressive comments or talk about other people and so you just kind of stay away from them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, or you?
Speaker 2:choose not to get too involved with that person because you don't feel like it's going to be really a beneficial type of relationship.
Speaker 1:Yeah or yeah sometimes if it's too draining, if it's too negative, if it's too drama driven a lot of those things I tend to stay away from.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I would agree. Yeah, I would agree on that. The same person who might be avoiding connections can also do so in a way to where they take advantage of or use a person to kind of be their dumping ground for all their the crap that's going on and that starts to be a like, a really interaction and exchange. It can just be an energy suck too. Well, that's what I'm saying. They suck the life out of you.
Speaker 2:So understanding the people that suck the life out of you and making arrangements to kind of distance yourself from them so you're not in a situation like this. So that would be more of a situation where you might dislike being around that person as opposed to the other way around, yeah, you know you dislike how they make you feel you dislike. You know the kind of, like you said, energy that they bring or don't bring lots of negativity and stuff. I don't want to be around that either.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I mean, granted, we all complain about things here and there, but if that's all you do, that's one thing you know, so that is one thought on that, when I have run across people that were not enthusiastic over my success, for example, yeah. Like they're like, oh, that's great, you know, because they're very competitive.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's great, oh, that's so great, I'm Nordstrom.
Speaker 2:I think it was more that way.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I mean my world.
Speaker 2:Now everything is like. You're all independent.
Speaker 1:It's very eye opening, though I feel like I can't think of anything specific, but it's. It's definitely noticeable when and this can just be in everyday settings with people that are close to you when you're sharing something whether it's a success or something that you're excited about or whatever and you can really just kind of tell that they're judging. They're judging not paying much mind to it and not really in intently listening to what you're sharing with them, and it can, it can kind of not feel the greatest.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that is very true, like if I were to share with you that I something I'm really excited about and I just say, yeah, like you always point that out to me when I'm like, yeah you'll, you'll say it right back to me when I'm I guess I say that a lot.
Speaker 2:You do. Well, those are your listening words.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Like if I told you that I I bought a car today online. Oh my gosh that's great, really, yeah. Or would you say, julie, what is wrong?
Speaker 1:with you, probably. Actually, I would probably say the latter of what. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 2:That's why I didn't mention it until now. You didn't did you. I really did. Yeah, no, you didn't, I did, I did. I pick it up on.
Speaker 1:Tuesday Shut the F up. Are you kidding me right now? No, I'm dead serious. I really can't tell you guys if she's just doing this to get me going right now or if she really did buy a car. I really did buy a car, jesus Christ. Yeah, I did Take that out. Don't put that in there. But oh my gosh, what Jesus Christ.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he blessed me because I needed more space and my cars. I don't have a car payment and so I'm like you didn't even discuss this with me. I know I didn't. I didn't really discuss it with anybody, I just did it on the fly. No, it's not on the fly. I've been looking for a while.
Speaker 1:Have you. I didn't even know. But see, this is what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:You didn this with me? No, because she'd probably say what are you doing? Save your money. That's what she would do. What did you get? I got an suv. What did you get? I got a range rover. You did, yeah. Yeah, it's not new, it's not brand new, holy heck, I know it's gonna be really, really cute too. It's gray. You got a gray range rover. Yeah, it's really cute. I mean, it'll my other car. I love, love, love my car. I do, I love my car. You've definitely outgrown it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's too small. I mean, it'll my other car I love, love, love my car. I do, I love my car. You've definitely outgrown it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's too small, yeah and I wanted something that I'm gonna be able to use like four-wheel drive kind of stuff in the winter time like I literally can't drive that car in the winter because it just slides all over the place okay, so no judgment, right, awesome. But you're so enthusiastic for me, congratulations, why thank you? So that's not flat emotion, passive, aggressive comment like oh wow, that's really great, julie, I'm so glad you're broke now, or anything like that yeah, no car payment. That's all that I care is.
Speaker 1:I have no car, so you're not you, so it's yeah I just traded it across, oh yeah, wow, I paid a little extra. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No car payment, no car payment, no car payment. That's awesome girl, congratulations, that's awesome, we will go.
Speaker 2:we will go for a ride. Oh yeah, we will next week. So another thing that I've noticed, too, is when people feign excitement and support for you when they're really not excited and support yeah. So I'm pick and choose who I tell my stories to right yeah. I would tell you, you're okay you don't judge you're.
Speaker 1:I just can't believe you didn't say anything. No, I didn't like. Are you excited about it? I'm very excited about I just was. I just can you inform your face, please, huh, inform your face that you're excited it's just kind of a thing.
Speaker 2:I just I just did it, I've been, I don't know. It's really weird. You know how I do things like that I do crazy things like that. It's not like I just whim on a whim and go do this I mean, I obviously have been kind of contemplating for a little while.
Speaker 1:What year is it? It's uh like a 18 okay, yeah, leather, um yeah, I'm just asking. Yeah, I don't know the deets is Does it have a moonroof, sunroof? Yeah, let's tell everybody about your new vehicle here, one of those big moonroof thingies.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, it's just. It's just a rig. It's the car. It has all that stuff in it. Right Now you got room to compete with me on anything.
Speaker 1:Do you feel Love mobile? We got a love mobile.
Speaker 2:If it's rocking, don't bother knocking. Oh my God, michelle, when was the last time you had sex in your car, really? Oh my God, don't answer that, you guys. She looks like she's all sweet and innocent and she acts like she's all sweet and innocent, but she's not.
Speaker 1:Actually, I can't even it's been. Yeah, it's been a minute so, but we've all done that at some point, haven't we? Sure sure.
Speaker 2:No comment. No comment, anyway. So these are all things that we, you know, just thought might be kind of fun to share with all of you. We all know, when you just know your gut, you know when something doesn't feel right or you don't feel like someone's, like you know an advocate for you, or they say they are. I had a boss like that once. She was awful, like that, would pretend like she was very supportive and then would just stick a knife in your back. Yeah, I'm not kidding, but she, you know, as it turns out she was mentally ill.
Speaker 1:So there, that was part of the issue, I think problem.
Speaker 2:We didn't know that at the time. But yeah, oh yeah, she was awful. It's like you'd get so much anxiety just being around her because you knew that it was going to turn into something else something more, something you didn't say or do or didn't look funny. It was just awful. It was constantly like that.
Speaker 1:So but yeah, stuff to definitely be aware of.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I say don't, don't, uh, don't, put too much time, thought or energy into it and, just you know, kill everybody with kindness.
Speaker 2:Exactly. The only thing you can do is be responsible for your your own self and how you communicate. That's right. So I told on myself about a couple of things. You guys can listen to this and tell on your own selves about a couple of things that you can improve upon when it comes to how you respond to people, even if you don't like them.
Speaker 1:What I can tell you is that we're on all the socials. They like us too. They do like us. Thank you everybody for the downloads. We appreciate it. We're going to be sharing some of our past episodes because you know they're gone but not forgotten. They're still out there, they're still accessible. So you know, we'll just give a gentle reminder about some of those and in the meanwhile we've got some good ones that we're planning for. We're getting ready for year three oh my gosh season three.
Speaker 2:Season three yeah, we're, we're, we're having a lot of fun with it. It really has been fun.
Speaker 1:We'll just, you know, continue to share so y'all can be aware.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and on that note, and what you don't know, you don't know or wait.
Speaker 1:What is it and what? And?
Speaker 2:and if you don't, know now you don't know, or wait what is it? And if you don't know now you know, See you later. Bye everybody, have a good week.